Chapter 30: Expedient

Garry ended the call and, careful not to make noise, put his phone down onto the nightstand with a dispirited sigh, his tongue smacking an irritated click. He drew his leg up from under the thick blanket to rest his arm on and ran a hand through his mussed head.

The bright ray of sunlight slicing through the crack between the curtains told him it was already late into the day.

Next to him, Ib was sound asleep, her breaths fanning against his hand in a warm, even rhythm. She had a hand tucked underneath her pillow, her hair soft and splaying down her cheek, her neck. He could see a little bit of crust in the corners of her eyes and felt a smile tugging at his face. As he slipped into a daze watching her, Garry wanted to give her a kiss. Just a chaste, innocuous peck on those defenseless lips. Just for a little bit.

But that was crossing the line, so he withdrew the hand that was creeping towards her cheek.

.

“Here you go, hon,” he placed a cup of warm milk down in front of her. “You don’t have to finish that if you don’t want to.”

Ib shook her head and continued to nibble on the sandwich with little zeal. Garry stifled a groan. As mature as she acted, his little girl was still just that: little. Refusing to meet his eyes and the silent treatment – classic sulking.

He went to finish cleaning the stove and threw away the last of the eggshells before seating himself on the other side of the dining table. Garry was about to start his late breakfast when he realized something.

“You know, Ib, I really doubt your parents will care whether you’ve finished your food or not.”

The girl glanced up at him for a moment, and then her gaze returned to the table. She remained silent, but her dispassionate chewing had halted. Looking at her trying to keep a blank face, Garry could hear the little cogwheels in her head scrambling to creak out another stall tactic and hid a smirk as he picked up his sandwich to take a large bite out of it.

The Lowell couple weren’t happy to learn that their preteen daughter had been short of running away from home at the break of dawn – no thanks to the exaggerated testimony of their housekeeper. Ib was now grounded and banned from Garry for an indefinite amount of time. Depends on how well she behaves, Alysha’d said.

Swallowing, Garry put the sandwich down and resisted the urge to sigh loudly. It sounded severe, but he was sure the parent would let up soon. Ib didn’t though, and was mad at him for not doing anything about it. She seemed to think he was some sort of expert smooth talker, when in fact she was the con artist where her parents were involved.

He didn’t blame her for being on edge though. These few years he’d been with her, Garry had never seen Ib being disciplined. She probably had never even gotten into trouble before, spoiled little thing. By her age, Garry had already been grounded and spanked enough to file for child abuse.

Ib kept her eyes down as she ate. Rather than being concerned about her lack of appetite, Garry found the dark rings above her cheekbones more deserving of his attention. She’d told him she was having nightmares again, though she didn’t tell him what they were about. He didn’t pry. He figured it was the gallery stuff resurfacing.

Or maybe…

No…she wouldn’t have come running to him.

Right…

“I’m not enjoying this anymore than you do, Ib.” Garry propped his chin up in his palm, leaning forward on the table and trying to catch her gaze.

She wasn’t the only one disgruntled by this. During the past month, being able to see her was his only saving grace. The time he spent with her blurred the guilt gnawing at his heart. Every glimpse of her smile put his ill soul at ease, and every touch she allowed him was a momentary reprieve from his crime. On the days they couldn’t meet, he’d munch on the few minutes of phone calls from her to stave off the longing and anxiety.

Garry was scared.

A part of him was convinced something in Ib would change if he wasn’t constantly reinforcing his existence in her life. She might find solace with that blond brat and decide that he was no longer worth the heartache. Or she might start resenting him for not being there to sooth her evil dreams. Or she might realize she didn’t even need him to cope with the haunting. And what if she breaks down and tells her parents what he’d done.

Call him a coward, but he was so scared. He wasn’t ready.

“Ib, honey,” he tried again, leaning in closer. She was still ignoring him, staring at something off to her left, but he knew she was listening. The girl hadn’t taken another bite even though she was at the runny yolk that she loved. “Your Ma sounded serious, you know. I just don’t know when she’s going to let you off. It might be a while before you can see me again, hmm?” Garry thought a little teasing to lighten up the mood couldn’t hurt. “Do you really want to leave here hating me?”

“I don’t hate you.” Her red gaze darted up at him, looking almost desperate to clarify. The conviction in her voice stunned him.

As if startled by her own outburst, Ib immediately fluttered her eyes downward and bit into her sandwich with a little more force than needed.

“H-hey, the yolk!” Garry got to his feet and reached over to stop a string of yellow from making its descend onto her white and expensive turtleneck.

Ib blinked a few times, perplexed. “I’m sorry,” she said, her mouth full, and titled the sandwich horizontal so that he could take his hand back.

“No, it’s okay.” He licked his palm and grinned. “I used to always make a mess eating these, too.”

As Garry sat back down, Ib dropped her food, got to her feet and pattered towards the cupboard. Before he could wonder what she was doing, the girl returned to his side with a dampened paper towel and presented it to him.

“Why, thank you.” He was wiping his hand when he noticed her lower lip. “You got some—” Garry reached up, but stopped when she flinched.

He wasn’t going to deny the pinch he felt inside his chest that moment. It was nothing new though. He kept forgetting that things between them had changed, and she kept making that guilty face even though he was at fault.

“Sorry. May I?” Garry maintained a gentle smile so as not to pressure her and waited for a nod before rubbing the smudge of yolk from her lip. Ib stood very still, and he could tell she was holding her breath.

God, Ib…

He was becoming self-conscious. The flesh beneath his thumb was soft, and he didn’t want to move from it. His suddenly dry mouth swallowed. Garry yanked his line of sight up and away from those inviting lips. His eyes met hers – she’d been staring; she was watching him with eyes he couldn’t read.

You’re doing everything wrong…

What was she thinking? What did this blank expression mean? She was a mystery that kept on drawing him in. Was he hated or was he loved? His careless teasing had been taken the wrong way, and he couldn’t feel more flattered by her response. But how much of those words could he trust? How much of them had she meant as his confusion mirrored on her face?

The ringing of the doorbell shattered the silence like walls of glass.

“All clean!” Garry retracted his hand in one swift motion and tilted his head in a smile. Pushing his chair back, he got to his feet. “That must be your parents.”

Ib opened her mouth to say something, but stopped herself. He patted her head. “I’m sure they’re not too mad. Go finish your sandwich. I’ll try and abate them, ‘kay?”

The little girl gave a slight nod and went back to her seat.

And as he left in haste for the door trying not to think about how she’d cringed under his hand, Garry sucked on the crumbs of dry yolk on his thumb.


“So you’re still here…”

Garry’s brows drew together at the disdain in her tone as the silver-haired girl brushed past him and into his apartment as though it was her own.

“What do you want?” he asked with little patience. It had been a week since he’d last had any contact with Ib, and Garry felt mentally and physically drained by the daily life he was forced to continue. No afternoon meeting, no weekend visit, no phone call before bed. Whatever Ib was doing at home, she was doing it wrong. And he couldn’t even be there to advise her otherwise. His tolerance was hitting rock bottom and he had none to spare for snide remarks, especially coming from someone who could jab where it hurt.

He hadn’t expected to see Scarlet ever again. She’d made it very clear how disgusted she was, and he hadn’t resented her for it until…

Garry closed the door and hurried after the girl, who kept on heading inside, his question unanswered. “Hey, don’t just go in as you please.”

“I want to talk.” She gave him a fleeting glance over her shoulder before attempting to sit down on the armchair. However, the seat was crowded by a toppled column of books, as was the coffee table and the complimentary couch, so she settled for the rug.

“Really, you came here to talk while expecting me to be behind bars,” he scoffed and returned to his pile of unfinished assignments scattered on the couch.

“I knew you’d be here. Uncle wouldn’t have left it alone if you were arrested.” Her words got him looking up from his work. There was something lethargic in her expression. “It’s only a little unbelievable to actually see you. The little girl protected you in the end.”

Garry tightened his jaw and tried to distract a rising anger by concentrating on the sketches. “You told him? Is that why you came? If he sent you then go home.”

“No.” She gave a curt shake of her head, face like she’d just bitten into lime.

Scarlet didn’t say anything more, and Garry resumed working, satisfied knowing his benefactor was still in the dark.

“Garry.”

He’d heard the girl, but decided to ignore it. She wasn’t going to tell Mr. Garland, and that was as far as his interest for her went. Now he’d love for her to leave, preferably on her own.

“I liked you, Garry. I really did.” He paused in his strokes, glancing up again. She was staring straight at him, her teeth gnawing on her bottom lip, her eyes forlorn. “Did you like me?”

The lost look on her face almost made him feel guilty. Scarlet was a beautiful and confident girl, and he’d enjoyed her company, both as a friend and in bed. What he liked the most was… Garry worked his jaw and averted his gaze. “Yeah, I liked you.” But it stopped at that. If only there was more, this entire mess could have been avoided.

He heard her emit a sigh. “It’s these eyes, isn’t it? Gosh, you sick bastard…”

Garry pressed his mouth into a thin line to keep himself from lashing out at her. He made a show of working on his project, though Garry was only retracing what was already on the paper, the strokes he made threatening to tear through the fraying surface.

“You’re not even going to try and deny it?”

The walls of his nostrils flared.

“Hey, I’m talking to y—” He threw his pencil at her. It barely missed her face, smacking loudly against the side of the armchair she was leaning against.

“You have no right to judge me, hypocrite,” he growled low and grim. “You were just as sick.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Scarlet tried to gather herself even as her flight response clattered wildly against the bars of her ribcage. She had had ample time to reconsider the events and concluded that there was no way Garry knew anything. The boy played a good bluff, but she wasn’t going to be fooled this time around.

“Oh, please, sweetheart. It’s a little too late to play dumb now. You were obedient as a puppy at the mere mention of your father.”

She snapped up to her feet, her cheeks flushed with anger and her hands in fists. “Let me make this very clear. Why I helped the little girl had nothing to do with what you claim to know about my family.”

Garry felt his frown deepen. Now the girl was just lying through her teeth. If he hadn’t played dirty that morning, she would have left Ib to freeze. “All right.” He shoved his work aside and got to his full height, towering over her.

For a brief moment, she shrank away, afraid, making him wonder what the point of this argument was. But then she held her defiant gaze up at him, and he wanted to make her miserable.

“Guess what, Scarl. I met your father the other day.” The hundred and eighty degree change in her expression told him he’d hit the nail on the head. If Garry had any humor left in him, he would have burst out laughing from the satisfaction of watching her squirm. It flavored his poignant tongue and made his voice sickeningly sweet even for his own ears. “My, it was such a huge coincidence how much we had in common. And then it all started to make sense.” Every drunken words she’d blubbered on his doorstep had clicked together like pieces of a puzzle.

“Th-that’s not…” She took a step back, but he seized her by the arm and pulled her up to him, dipping his head low until their noses were inches apart.

“Come on, just admit it. I’m as much of a replacement to you as you are to me. You came because, just like me, you still don’t have what you want.”

“You forced yourself on a child,” she hissed. “We’re nothing alike.”

So she liked to be on the moral high ground. The muscles on his face hardened before he willed them into a smile. “And? What did you use on daddy, hmm? K? Roofy? You had everything planned out, didn’t you?”

Her skin lost its colors all over again. She tried to flee, but he kept his hold on her tight. “Let. Go.” She mumbled, her voice already cracking, her hands flailing to push him away.

Garry brought his free hand to her chin and lifted her face to him. The precious red of her eyes were glazed with unshed tears, so much like those that haunted his sleep. No matter how fearful, no matter how hate-filled, he loved them.

Ah, beautiful.

“If I’m scum then you’re no better,” he whispered and placed a kiss upon defenseless lips.

Just a chaste, innocuous peck.


A pile of books comprising of her Monday subjects, that was what Ib was resting her head on at the moment. With her ear pressed against the cover of a book she vaguely remembered was for Chemistry, she grimaced at the energetic thumping of her classmates’ indoor version of tag, but was too lazy to remedy the problem. The rain was going on strong outside the closed windows, ensuring that there was no hope of them having what was left of the recess outside.

Ib was tired from lack of sleep, and the fact that she hadn’t been able to catch a single whiff of Garry made the entire situation all the more unbearable. Pa had been furious with Ib, but only after they’d left Garry’s place, most likely knowing that Garry would have tried to mitigate his wrath. The man was normally so agreeable and mild in temper that it’d silenced Ib from attempting even a squeak of excuse in the face of the uncharacteristic discipline.

She had no idea what to do. Ma was the one to get mad and Ib knew how to plead to the woman to get her way. Pa, on the other hand, was uncharted territory.

Mary was being very mean in her sleep, whispering things she was afraid to hear the most. While Ib understood her friend was long gone and could never come back again, in the throes of her nightmares, logic was as abundant as sunlight during full eclipses.

“Hey Ib!” Ray’s voice called her as a hand landed on her desk.

“Yes, Ray?” she glanced up and took in his smiling face that was smeared with sweat and something she hoped wasn’t the cream from the celebratory chocolate cakes in the cafeteria.

“Here’s yours,” he presented a small paper dish with aforementioned cake before her.

“I said I didn’t want any.” Ib lifted her head and flopped it back down on the books, facing the other way. She wanted to sleep, and sugar would make that goal even further away than it already was.

“But it’s soo good, Ib,” he defended from out of her sight, and he wasn’t lying. The cake offered by the school on the founder’s birthday was of great quality, but the magic had already faded by her third year studying here. She could live without it this year.

The boy walked around the desk and sat on the empty seat next to her. “What got you so grumpy?”

Was her face showing it? “I’m not.” She kept her voice neutral.

“Oh, come on. I might just be able to help.”

Ib closed her eyes, the burn of tears spreading behind her lids. “I can’t meet Garry.”

“What? Is he avoiding you again? Seriously—”

“My parents won’t let me. I’m grounded.”

“Oh, not such a goody-two shoes now, are ya?” Her eyes snapped open and she sat up straight. Lorrance, who stood in front of her desk stuffing himself with a slice of chocolate cake, smiled his ugly smirk at her. “Peh, a teeny tiny punishment and already whining about it.”

“Go away, dude. This is a private conversation.” Ray shot to is feet and tried to take the cake from the other boy. “And that’s Ib’s.”

“Bla, bla, she doesn’t want it,” Lorrance shouted through a mouthful of cake and ran back to his circle.

“Really, why am I friends with him?” The blond grumbled with crossed arms. He turned back to her. “Sorry Ib, you were saying?”

Ib only shook her head and dropped her head back down on the pile of books. ‘A teeny tiny punishment’?Was she being whiny, complaining about not being able to see Garry after only one week? Pa said the same thing. That she shouldn’t be bothering Garry so much. That she was a big girl now and should learn not to depend on Garry. But wasn’t she entitled to depend on him? She heard shuffling next to her, indicating that Ray had settled back down by her side.

“Um, y’know, I think your parents had a good reason to ground you. So just wait a little bit more. When they’re not mad anymore, you’ll be able to see Garry.”

She turned her head to look at Ray, the boy smiling nervously as he tried to be helpful. “I guess I deserved it.” She lowered her gaze, deep in thoughts. Ma and Pa must have been worried to learn she’d left the house without their knowledge.

“I wouldn’t say that… Say, can’t you just go see the guy for fifteen minutes after school?”

Ib shook her head. “Mr. Ivankov picks me up.”

“Oh…”

Ray fell silent for the rest of the recess. She could tell the boy was looking at her the whole time she had her eyes closed. He must be feeling bad for not being able to help her. Ib liked that he didn’t easily abandon her like others who attempted to befriend her. She wanted to tell him not to worry about it, but felt little motivation to do so as the sleep laid its grip on her.

The little girl woke up a short few minutes later to the bell signaling the start of the next class. Next to her, Ray was getting to his feet to return to his seat. He gave her a soft nudge to gain her attention.

“Leave it to me, ‘kay?” He had on one of those confident smirk that she’d learned precede some sort of plan.

 

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Chapter 29: Monologue

The little girl ignored the words of the woman following her and walked on.

She refused to accept it, because they had a bond.

But when she stood in front of his door and the hideous silence continued to stretch, she became slower and slower. So slow that reality caught up to her with a vicious tackle. Her vision blurred, she tried the bell again, as though pressing it enough times would somehow make him appear. And he would welcome her with open arms like he always did. But it was impossible. “Please…” Her voice cracked. She pressed her forehead to the cold door as hot drops spilled.

The girl was in pain. When he’d left, the man had torn out a part of her and took it with him.

Because the misshapen pair of handcuffs never had a key…


The metal railing was cold when she leant against it and gathered her legs near her chest. The pleated skirt and thick knee-high socks provided by the school’s winter uniform had never been enough to keep her warm. She shrank into her sweater and pulled her muffler up past her nose to warm the freezing tip, sniffling from a sneeze that had fallen short.

Winter break had ended and the weather was supposed to be good enough for schools to start again.

From under the shelter of moldy red shingles, she watched the rain water down the garden. The plip and plop of raindrops into small puddles that had formed somewhere out of sight made for a pleasant acoustic on top of the monotonous drizzling. She eyed the wet ground before her and thought longingly about the time of late spring, coming onto summer, when she would be able to stretch her legs on the grassy green and enjoy the warm sunlight filtering through thick foliage.

She also thought about how she was still spending recess alone. Things hardly changed, yet it felt different.

The girl let out a slow breath through her lips for some fleeting warmth inside her muffler and closed her eyes. The quietude relaxed her. She rested her face into the fold of her arms.

A distant round of laughter was carried by the wind to her. She had never liked her peers’ rowdiness, but from afar, it was a white noise hum that she appreciated. She could be at ease alone, knowing that she was not truly so.

The languid mood embraced her and colored her mind in darkness.

Ib…” She cringed, swallowing with difficulty as her heart clambered in its pace. A chilling breeze stroked her into huddling up tighter. She felt exposed. Her clothes were doing a bad job at shielding her. She hugged her legs closer, making sure they were closed.

“Ib!”

The voice that broke the silence startled her. It came from above. She looked up to see green eyes and a somewhat defeated smile.

The boy had himself propped up behind the balusters, arms folded on the top railing to support his chin. “You’re out here again, huh?”

“Hi.” Ib greeted with little enthusiasm, but she doubted Ray noticed.

Ray climbed the railing and dropped down next to her. He took his seat by her side, commenting on how cold it was, before flashing a bright smile that was somehow jarring for her current thoughts. She appreciated him coming, as she would have been too reserved to approach him on her own, but right now talking with him was…off.

“Man, you were so quick to disappear. I was gonna come talk to you but when I turned around you were—” he made an exploding gesture, “poof.”

“…Sorry.”

“Naw, you already showed me this hideout so finding you was easy-peasy.”

She watched him grin and felt it tug at the corners of her lips. It was one of the things she liked about Ray. His smile was infectious, and he always seemed to radiate with a positivity and confidence that she didn’t have.

Her gaze drifted, any mirth that might have been inspired in her vanishing without a trace.

The past few weeks had been…off…but Ib couldn’t pinpoint what she wanted to complain about. She came to Garry’s apartment more times than she had the past few months. His rejections were no longer a concern, and she got to spend time with him to her heart’s content. They did the things they had always done.

The macarons outings and afternoon walks…

Simple lunches and hot cocoas…

The occasional sleepovers….

He did everything she wanted, though with scant hesitation. Reading her to sleep, long hugs whenever she was comfortable. She was being spoiled rotten.

But then…there was the silence.

She didn’t use to mind when Garry was silent, but now it was the scariest thing he could do. Even as she curled up next to his sleeping form and tug him near, he still didn’t feel as close as she’d like him to.

There was a line that hadn’t been there before. Though he kept smiling, his face so dear, assuring her nothing was wrong, she found herself wondering if there was something he wasn’t telling her. Being with Garry was becoming something short of an addiction— No, it had always been such. She just never realized until it was threatened to be taken away.

“And we had to end the ski trip early.” Ray finished his story of colorful gesticulation. It was nice how he could go on and on so naturally. “Anyways, I talked too much about myself. Hey, how’s it going with that guy we talked about?”

Ib stared at the look of interest on the boy’s face.

“…We made up. Thanks to you.”

She wasn’t lying.

Ray didn’t hide his smug grin as he boasted about how ‘awesome’ he was, and that she could talk to him anytime she needed help. Ib nodded along, grateful for his company. She noticed that his eyes were on the green grass, and his legs were dangling at a fast pace. She could already hear the sloshing of his flats, and see the telltale mud-framed prints that would be trailing behind him later on.

Ib felt her smile return.


Sunday had arrived at the speed of dripping molasses, and Ib couldn’t be any more impatient as she watched the numbers light up one after the other, until the metal doors parted and let her in. She rode the elevator to the second floor and got out into the quiet hallway. It was early in the morning, but her cold bed hadn’t been any comfort when she awoke with a sweaty pillow. Her parents were sound asleep, tired from another late business dinner; so after telling Mrs. Turner about where she was heading, she’d bolted out before the middle-age woman could have had the chance to stop her.

Ib knew she was going to get scolded for this, but for the moment she didn’t care. Garry was all that was on her mind. She missed him terribly, and their daily phone calls had been of little satisfaction.

As she walked down the long corridor, she could hear chatters echoing off the walls. Her strides slowed as her ears strained. There was laughter in their whispered tones that made it hard to understand what was being said. By the time she got into a better hearing range, the conversation had already ceased.

“Why, hello,” an older girl emerged around the corner as Ib neared it, with a small purse tuck under her arm. There was a familiar smell wafting somewhere.

Not one to speak to strangers, Ib returned the greeting with a small bow and carried on.

Stopping in front of his door, she rang the bell.

“Did you— Ib?” he appeared concerned on top of his surprised expression, bending down to her level. “What’s wrong? Why are you here so early?”

Garry brushed her cheek, his touch feathery light, and she leaned into his large palm until he withdrew it to run his fingers through her bangs. He was so gentle and kind. She still had trouble understanding how he could have been so cruel that night.

He must’ve sensed that something was wrong from her silence, because he asked, almost cautiously, “Do your parents know you’re here?”

Ib pressed her lips into a thin line, and Garry stifled a sigh. He got back up to his towering height and had a hand behind her back. “Let’s just get inside first, hon. You must be cold.”

She complied, but clung to him as she did so. She could feel him stiffen in reaction to the contact, but paid it no mind and immersed herself in his scent.

Oh, it was the smell of lavender.


His breath was stuck in his windpipe as he watched the haunting red of her eyes through hooded lids. With both hands she cupped his chin. She was exploring; her fingers curious and smelling of candy, tracing his mouth with tantalizing caresses. For one moment, he was afraid to move, to even let the air escape his lungs lest he frighten her back into her shell. But the next, he wanted to encourage her—let her know she could do no wrong.

He took her wrist in a tender grip and pressed her palm more readily to his lips, a gratifying breath drawn between small fingers.

Closer, he wanted to be.

Running his hand up the length of her slender leg, past her soft curve and dipped down to the small of her back, he secretly wished the skimpy layer of clothes wasn’t there. Everything was slow as he gauged her reaction. When her eyes spoke of wonderment, it fanned the flame gnawing away at his restraints. He pulled her hip to his, until her arms struggled to move, and their breaths mingled as one.

Even closer.

He invaded the last of the distance between them and nuzzled her frail column, feeling her voice vibrate against his nose. He kissed her jaw, her cheek, whispered love into her ear, and felt her skin. And finally, he tasted her lips. Briefly, but painfully sweet.

“Garry,” she called his name when they parted, and he listened. Anything for her.

Her eyes were impassive, neither inviting nor rejecting. He felt like leaning in for another.

“You promised you wouldn’t do this anymore,” she muttered.

.

Garry opened his eyes to the bright interior of the living room, recounting to himself that he’d fallen asleep sitting at the couch. Last night hadn’t given him much rest. He lowered his knuckles from his face and sat up straight to exercise his stiff shoulders. The rattling of his joints was much welcomed.

He brought his hand across his chest to rest over where his heart resided and was pulsing with anxiety. Sunday mornings were so peaceful that it curried unease, and the quietness only made the noise all the more apparent.

He got up for a drink of water before returning to his room, where it was still dark thanks to the heavy curtain. Making sure to avoid the pile of old bed sheet dumped on the floor, he came up to the child snoozing away on his pillow. Ib hadn’t gotten much sleep either, it seemed. Though he was happy to have her over and trust him enough to fall into sound slumber, her timing left much to be desired.

Their relationship would soon crumble one day; he could feel it sneaking up to them. Ib, too, was growing more restless and demanding. It hurt too much to think about the end, but he was becoming an expert at distracting himself.

He set his glass down on the nightstand and joined her on the bed, careful not to wake her with the mattress shifting. As though sensing his presence, she stirred and snuggled up to him. The way she did so, he thought, was absolutely adorable. He brushed a few strands of hair away from her face and played with the shell of her ear. He swallowed and bit his bottom lip. Thinking about blue dolls for a bit, he then bent down to kiss her forehead.

I promised, didn’t I?

He would have to tell her parents soon. But for the time being, Garry would savor each moment they were allowed together.

 

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Trivia:

  • blue dolls = Garry’s newest de-boning tactic. lol

Chapter 28: Ruth

Ib was cruel.

“Am I scary, Ib?” he had asked, receiving no answer in return, only a furtive glance, and then he’d been left to clean the myriad of white shards on the floor.

If you’re scared then maybe you shouldn’t be here—was something he’d stopped himself from saying.

She sat next to him on the couch, no further than an arm’s length away, sipping at her hot cocoa. Not a single word said. Not a single glance exchanged. The low murmur of the heater seeped through the air – a much welcomed sound in the pin-drop silence. And while she sat faking disinterest, his gaze kept finding its way back to her.

Her long lashes framed dispassionate eyes, the curves almost touching upon her cheekbones. She sat with an elegance a girl so young should never have, somehow vulnerable, somehow frail, yet barbed at the same time. That soft hair had been splayed on his bed sheet, disheveled and matted with sweat. And that milky skin had flushed under his caress, so very warm. Just the other night she had been a ravishing mess underneath him. Just the other night she had been his. So how come? So effortlessly, she looked untainted by his touch – once again an existence so far out of his reach he dared not cross this meager distance between them.

His finger twitched infinitesimally as he continued his voyeuristic observation. His voice failed him, and she neither encouraged nor discouraged him. He wished she would look at him, thirsted to know what kind of eyes she would look at him with. He swallowed dry, his parched throat protesting. His glass was on the coffee table, plain water. In a nervous motion, he reached for it. And she flinched.

He fought a grimace, letting his bangs shield his expression from her eyes and keeping himself from turning to her. If he tried to say anything it would only frighten her further.

Garry hadn’t expected happily ever after when Ib had asked to come over, but this was painful. She was terrified of him. He could sense the alertness radiating from her, every one of her muscles ready to defend herself against him.

He knew it was well-deserved. He deserved every bit of her fear and dislike. He would disappear from her sight to make her feel safer if she so commanded, but that just wasn’t what she damn wanted. She wanted him close—just not too close. A shaky ‘No!’ when he had attempted to leave had made him stay; although, a part of him now toyed with the idea of defying her wish in order to hear her voice again.

He grabbed his glass and drained the content.

Ib started fingering the black mug on her lap. The cocoa was already gone, but she kept the mug; and he hadn’t tried to take it from her. Truth be told, he had been far too happy that she was okay with using his mug. At the very least he wasn’t completely revolting to her. And Ib had a habit. Ah, that innocent gesture where she licked the rim of her mug to clean up any residue milk. He hadn’t missed the short moment when her tongue poked out between soft lips, and the sight had sent an inappropriate fire along his veins.

He wished he hadn’t drunk all of his water.

And she was sly.

Two hours of silence, one would expect it to go by excruciatingly slow. Yet, the clock hit six o’clock in a merciless haste, unsympathetic towards Garry’s predicament. Winter evenings came early, and the sky outside the window brewed a brooding blue, the sun long removed from its maw. The oncoming darkness nudged at him to end this meeting.

“Should…” he croaked after much thumb-twiddling, which startled her. Of course… “Should you be getting back? Yuri is picking you up right?” It was the responsible thing to do, and his liking was unimportant.

The silence stretched—until her eyes fluttered up to him, for but a moment. They returned to staring at her lap all too soon and he could only hang his head in a sigh.

“No.”

His eyes widened.

“I’m staying over.”

“I already told Ma and Pa you agreed,” she said quickly before he could voice the apt objection. “They said I can stay.”

“Please, Garry.”

That tone was unfair. Calling his name was unfair. He knitted his hands together to reign himself in. Aware it would only prove disastrous if this situation went on, he made an effort to gather his scattered wits and opened his mouth to deliver the rejection he knew she would not accept without a fight.

The words he’d prepare were lost somewhere in space and time when he registered that contact on his arm. Hot shivers ran along his skin and down his spine. He glanced down to small fingers gingerly clutching the fabric of his sweater. His heartbeat picked up a nervous pace as he hesitated to look up. He just knew the moment he did it would be the end. So he waited—waited for her to give up and let go.

Who was he kidding? He had been craving this for as long as they had been sitting. Her eyes were on him, and he could feel their gaze hot on his cheek. Was it filled with fear? Disgust? Hate? Or would it be cold, her emotion hidden from him? He needed to know. The pathetic, incorrigible trash that he was jumped at the chance.

With a tilt of his head, he ventured to meet her eyes. And he unconsciously held his breath. Her eyes were so red, so true, glazed over by the slightest hint of tears. The vulnerability she was projecting aroused his protective instinct—and something else.

His finger twitched again as he ached to hold her, or to inch even a little bit closer to her. He had to curse his libido for having the gall to infect his thoughts at such a time; but if Garry may give an excuse, never before had anyone bear such a staggering effect on him. Carnal urges and guilt made for a vicious poison that left him with smoldering self-loath at his own lack of control.

He was unable to break free from her gaze. Those red eyes chipped away at his willpower with the ease of a fine blade, asking—begging him for only one thing: not to send her back. She had made up her mind to do this, for whatever reason that she had deemed logical.

Maybe she wasn’t being logical. Maybe he should be logical and not let her have her way, but— Yes, there was always a ‘but.’ But he couldn’t bring himself to say no to her. But her parents were not expecting her to come home, setting aside how that had come to be the case in the first place. But most of all, he wasn’t logical either, and he wanted her to stay just as bad as she did. Maybe even more than she did.

Her hand tightened around the mug on her lap and her gaze didn’t move from his, full of conviction that should not match that apprehensive look on her face. “Garry, I want to stay. Please.” Her voice was a whisper.

The place where she was touching burnt a sweet sensation, and he was glad he’d worn a sweater.

Ah, please don’t look at me like that.

Ib shouldn’t have to beg him like this. Who was he to reject her touch? Who was he to deny her wish? He had no right, absolutely none.

“Okay.”

So sly.

She rewarded him with the most beautiful smile, making him feel like everything was okay when they actually weren’t. Her hand left his arm as she retreated to her own space, once again not looking at him. This left him frowning. He couldn’t figure her out. What was Ib trying to do? Wasn’t she afraid of what could happen? Her coming here was already questionable enough, but he could have passed it up as bravado. Staying over like this, however, he didn’t know what she was trying to prove.

Was the girl thinking that he would not dare touch her because of guilt? That was awfully naïve. Although Garry would love to think of himself in such a commendable light, he wasn’t so sure he would be able to keep his paws off her. The chains had already broken once…

“I’ll go wash my mug,” she said after a while. Her lithe body slid down from the couch with the speed of an agile cat, and just like that she disappeared through the kitchen doorway.

When the sound of running water could be heard, his entire frame relaxed, the joints in his neck grating in gratitude as he cracked them. ‘My mug’ was it? Why did he like the sound of that?

It’s coming back…the beast…

After they had each showered, dinner was uneventful. She had changed into a pair of myrtle green pajamas she’d brought. In hindsight, maybe he should have gotten the suspicion that something was off when seeing a duffle bag on her back.

His aunt’s shipment had been well-timed. He had been running very low on food and the past few days hadn’t been very good opportunities to remedy that. Ib wasn’t a picky child when it didn’t involve her favorite omelet, so he was able to whip up some stir-fry dishes that she enjoyed enough. They had semi-awkward conversations, during which he did her the favor of not meeting her eyes. Ib seemed to be a lot more comfortable because of that.

Secretly, though, he was grinning inside as her curious gaze roamed his face. No matter what kind of emotion she carried towards him, he was contented that her attention was on him for the time being.

As he brushed his teeth, he thought he could call it a day like this.

“Let’s sleep together, Garry,” she said after spitting, causing him to choke on his own rinsing water.

Just what is she thinking?

With a pillow tucked under one arm, Garry stood in the doorway of his bedroom, on his way to head for the couch. The only thing stopping him was a shy hand gripping at his shirt from behind.

“Let go, Ib. This is nonnegotiable,” he drawled with firm words that could have fooled even himself. As if he wasn’t dying to climb onto the bed with her and see how far he could take it. He’d already had her. She was his, but there was suddenly a dire need for him to make sure of that – something he was trying very hard to forget. Yet with every call of his name, every touch of her fingers it reminded him, and he was set on fire anew.

“Please, Garry.” And there went his resolution.

It had dawned on him that she was trying to have that night again in her ideal little way—to redo what had gone wrong and attain some sort of peace of mind for herself. She was being stubborn and desperate. Why, he could not understand. Did she not realize she wielded so much power over him? He couldn’t even muster the strength to walk away from this feeble hold she had on his shirt. A feeble hold that was shaking ever so slightly.

“Garry.”

Why are you doing this to me?

“Ib,” he muttered, not turning to her. “You know what’s gonna happen right?”

Without waiting to hear her answer, he spun around and scooped her up against him with one strong arm. She gave a surprised, or maybe terrified, yelp into the crook of his neck as slender arms and legs flailed haphazardly around him. It was a matter of mere strides before he reached the bed, onto which he couldn’t have pinned her fast enough. Ib was trapped between his arms once more, and the presence of ample light allowed him to observe her like he hadn’t been able to the night before.

The smooth mass of her hair pooled all around her, almost melting into the black fabric underneath. Eyes, round and filled with fright, stared up at him with a plea he refused to hear. She parted her lips in order to say something, but never did. Her wee hands were propped against his chest, trying to prevent him from coming any closer, but she might as well be pulling him in. His heart was so loud, and he didn’t doubt she could feel it. Garry wanted nothing but to capture her mouth and kiss her senseless. But he managed to clamp down on himself and settled with letting his eyes feast on her trembling loveliness instead.

“I’m scary, aren’t I Ib?” He asserted with what shallow breaths he was taking in, and she shook her head in spite of herself. Garry dug his finger into the thick blanket. His words were ground wheat through clenched teeth. “Don’t lie. You’re afraid, I understand. I deserve it. But Ib, it hurts so much when you do this.” He brought a hand up to her cheek, eliciting a small whimper. He didn’t hide his pained grimace as he wiped the watery corner of her eye. “You stick to me and then recoil as soon as I so much as lift a finger. It really hurts.”

When her gaze hesitantly met his, he tried to put on a smile. “Let’s do us both a favor and put a little space between us, okay?”

He pushed himself up away from her warmth and immediately fled for the door, fearing that some bipolar switch inside him might flip; and he’d turn around and devour her all over again.

“No!” His hand was caught, and his head whipped back to see her fingers lacing with his. Several emotions struck him then: fear, relief, shock, and…delight.

They were prowling dangerously close to the tire tracks, and she did not seem to care. How was this any different compared to the other night? His control was borderline short-circuit, and he was one irrational thought away from pouncing this defenseless rabbit before him.

“Ib,” he began, but was cut short when she slowly pulled on his arm.

Like an enchanted fool, he let himself be led back to her. His bony knuckles were up against her chest now, cradled between quivering hands. The rhythm inside her ribcage was vivid on his skin. She hung her head low, and he could feel her hasty breaths wafting down on his palm. Growing hard, he found himself matching his breathing with hers.

“I’m not scared,” she said without preamble. He blinked. And then she lifted her head, just enough to meet his bewildered eyes. “I promise I’m not scared s-s-so please don’t leave. Stay with me, Garry,” she pleaded even as her entire body trembled.

“I love you.”

Ah…

So very sly.

He lay next to her in the darkness of his bedroom, hand still in the blessed imprisonment of her embrace.

I’m not scared, were the faint words she chanted like a mantra under her breath. He was unsure which one of them she was trying to convince.

As her breathing grew even and her murmur was lost to the silence of the night, his eyes made their observation under the trespassing moonlight. He watched her every features, taking them in anew. He was afraid to go to sleep, because tomorrow he might wake up to the fact that this had all been a very elaborate, very wishful dream. But then…no dream could have felt this good, and been this beautiful.

She loved him? He didn’t care what kind of love she meant, someone tell him how did he deserve that? Even if she meant none of her words, why was this girl going so far for him?

He felt his eyes welling up with hot tears. They blurred his vision of her, and he let them flow freely across the bridge of his nose, down onto the pillow he rested on. There was no one to judge him in this darkness, only himself and a beautiful sleeping angel.

If his presence gave her comfort, then he’d stay forever by her side.

.

.

.

“I love you, too, Ib.”

.

.

.

And he let the blistering handcuffs click shut around their wrists.

 

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Trivia:

  • author came to term with the fact that most of Garry’s emotional thoughts starts with “Ah”

Chapter 27: Start

The leather squeaked under her weight as she squirmed in place, waiting for the answer to her question. She pressed the phone close to her ear and listened to the sound of his breathing. It was one of those rare moments where she wasn’t treated like a child. He was just as catatonic as she, his voice an octave lower and his tone no-nonsense.

She sat back on the couch, eyes scanning the expensive interior of wood and brick crowded by shelves of hard-cover binders. The large window behind the heavy desk showed a cloudy morning, sunrays barely hitting the tall buildings outside. Her free hand brushed along the wall next to her; her fingers traced over the decorative indents. Despite its warm brown, the wood was cold against her skin.

On the other end, he said her name but struggled to continue. Was this how people feel when they talked to her?

Impatience.

She turned to glance out the window behind her, parting the blinds to see her father conversing with other adults – coworkers, who dressed in immaculate business attires and whose face was the definition of distress. Ib figured she was the reason why they were talking outside his office.

Good.

She let go of the blinds and resumed her previous posture against the couch. On the phone, Garry sounded panicked at her lack of response, asking her if she was still there and listening. She was, just not in the way he would want her to. The way he used ‘aye’ that wasn’t at all like him and how he kept telling her that it wasn’t a good idea, she didn’t want to hear any of it. She could tell he was trying to wriggle out of the conversation. He did it all too blatantly when disconcerted. If her voice was going to give him the reassurance to hang up, she wouldn’t offer even a cough.

A rejection was looming on the horizon.

He went silent for a moment. When he started again, she quickly tuned out his words, her heartbeats quickening.

Need to…fix…

From his voice, she could imagine him running hands through his hair, yanking it even. “Garry,” she interrupted his incoherent rambling.

She remembered yesterday. Time had seemed to slow to a standstill as she held both of her parents’ gazes. They’d both smiled despite the grogginess in their expression. So patient. So gentle. She loved them.

She also loved him.

And the smile had spread so naturally across her lips as she’d woven a tale.

“I already told you,” she began after a deep breath to steel her resolve. “You were studying, and I fell asleep waiting for you.” It was a story in which she found Garry drooling on his table in the morning, and he fell off his chair when she tried to wake him. There was this scene in her head, so ideal, where they exchanged carefree chatters as he whipped up breakfast, until his guest so rudely interrupted them. A simple tale where she was happy, where he smiled kindly and patted her head, and everything was…normal.

“This is not something we can just lie about,” his tone was filled with objection. “Things don’t just work like that—”

“I’m not lying.”

“Nothing happened.”

If that night was going to sabotage what they had… If his embrace was going to be the reason why she could never feel his warmth again, and her tears why he wouldn’t see her. Then none of it had happened. The bed had been too big without him that night, but his scent kept her nightmares at bay. The morning had been scary when she couldn’t find him in the living room, but his drooling face when she found him in the study had made her smile.

Her hand slid under the collar of her thick wool jacket, her fingers shaking as they repeated their new habit of tracing the collarbone.

Like this fading mark on her skin, that night was going to disappear. Like the way they’d convinced people they were just a strange pair that bonded over macarons, this was just another story for them to perfect. Another truth they’d keep. Another tie that bound. And as long as they never mentioned it, no one would know; and neither of them would have to hurt.

“Don’t make me a liar.”

There was only silence on the other side.

“So can I?”

She could feel it. The rejection was ready at the tip of his tongue.

“Please, Garry?”

.

A sigh was vivid in her ear. “All right. You can come…tomorrow. Any time you like.”

“Thank you.” She strangely felt neither the joy nor anticipation that should’ve followed this pattern of conversation between them. “… See you tomorrow.”

“See you.”

Ib waited for him to hang up, listening for that beep that would cut the sound of his breathing short and end the call. But it never came. As the seconds ticked by it dawned on her he was doing just the same thing. It was Garry whom she had learnt the gesture from.

A soft chuckle echoed on the other end; he sounded almost wry.

“Okay, I’ll hang up now, Ib. …Bye.” And the line went dead.

She lowered the phone from her ear to stare at it, her mind blank. The discreetly parted blinds revealed her Pa with a stern expression, and it didn’t seem like he would be coming in anytime soon. Turning back in front, she started to dangle her legs as her mind replayed the phone call. Garry didn’t reject her. Somehow that was such a feat. Garry didn’t want her to come, but he didn’t reject her. Her black boots stilled.

He didn’t reject her.

He couldn’t reject her anymore.

Sliding down from the couch, the little girl went to put her father’s phone on his organized desk. The faintest smile was curving her lips.


Tomorrow was said to be a beautiful day, according to the weather forecast. Of course, it was but a probability.

His heavy footsteps travelled up the stairwell, echoing between marble walls and a tall, intricate ceiling. The air conditioning was faintly cold on his skin when he reached the top and entered through the doorway. It was quiet. The campus was already quiet because of the break, but this building was especially so. He could’ve been convinced he was alone.

Walking past the lit but empty rooms, Garry headed for the paneled double door at the end of the hallway. The President was always looking to increase the quality of other departments aside from arts and crafts. It had been emphasized to him how important it was to please the school’s guest. But with his head filled to the brim with the phone call from Ib, Garry couldn’t have cared any less when he knocked on the door. The past four hours were mere minutes as he kept beating himself up over the promise he’d made. A bad idea, he still thought of it, but at the same time they did need to talk. He’d expected weeks, if not months, before she could bear to mention his name again. And that was if her parents hadn’t already called the cops on his sorry ass by then.

Yet, not only had she proposed they act as if nothing had happened, she was even walking back into the place that should have scarred her for life.

Ib was always doing things he would never expect. It was what separated her from the rest. It was the reason why he’d fallen in love.

He remembered small hands. They had clung onto his shirt for dear life. And he had been too weak to break free.

His face darkened at the memory. It was also the cause of this whole mess in the first place.

And then there was this…

Relief…

The door opened and he was introduced to the guest. A thin, bespectacled man with a head of mussed black hair sat cross-legged at the sofa. He looked to be thirty-something, quite young for the things that had been advertised about him. As the scientist stood up to shake his hand over the coffee table, Garry analyzed what careless articles of clothing were hanging from the man’s lanky figure. Tasteless and dull. Maybe he really was being summoned for a pre-conference makeover – although he wasn’t in the position to criticize others right now, after that scolding by Lucy.

A halfhearted grip. “Nicholas. Pleasure to meet you, la’.” He saw no such pleasure in the smile that was offered.

The President left them with a few private instructions whispered to Garry.

“Care for one?” Nicholas offered him a crumpled pack of cigarettes the moment the door closed.

“… Thank you, but I don’t smoke,” he replied despite the distant flare of want. It was the brand he liked to smoke, and his lungs would love a deep burn right now. But it was time he tried to quit again, since Ib would still be around—

How conceited.

Whoever said she was going to be around? But a wayward part of him rejoiced at the possibility. Ib herself had suggested they bury this skeleton. She hadn’t told her parents. She must want to be with him still, so why was he even hesitating? His lovely Ib was protecting him just as she had always been. If anything, he should be giggling with glee like a madman watching the tides turn to his advantage.

“Huh… I was under the impression that you did.” The offhanded comment pulled at Garry’s attention, and he met Nicholas’s gaze for the first time. The pair of square glasses obscured dark eyes that did not hide the bored indifference of a man who’d learnt all there was to know. Perhaps the man knew him from someone else. While thinking that Garry still didn’t see a plausible reason for Nicholas to want to see him. And looking at the idle attitude of this alleged genius, Garry wasn’t sure if the man had any purpose at all.

Nicholas withdrew the packet, and took out one cigarette for himself. “Then, do you mind if I do?” he asked, but was already taking out an acrylic lighter; the cancer stick between his teeth. His right hand made clumsy work of the device, creating several clicks with no success. “‘Shite… Forgot to refill this thing again.” The man grated, crushing the filter stub between his teeth.

Without much of a thought, Garry held out his silver lighter. “You can use mine.”

There was a pause as the older man stared at his hand. “Didn’t you say you don’t smoke?” Those dark eyes were lazy, but scrutinizing.

Garry smiled to hide his nervousness. “I quit last year, but still carry this around as a habit.”

The man made a throaty noise that left the mood rather ambiguous and bent forward, bringing his cig near the offered lighter. An expectant look was directed up at Garry, so he complied and lit it for the man.

As the white smoke made a languid escape from the tip of the burning tobacco, he found himself giving it a longing look. Maybe if he asked for one— Garry mentally shook himself and shoved his lighter back inside his pocket. No. He was seeing Ib tomorrow, and he’d be damned if she shows the slightest interest in smoking like she did his piercing.

“You’re left-handed,” another random remark from Nicholas, who smiled when their eyes met. The man made a show of switching his lighter onto his left hand and click, a small flame flickered into life.

Garry narrowed his eyes, his annoyance seeping out. That lighter was anything but empty, and if he thought about it, people didn’t refill those cheap things in the first place. He was not in the mood for mind games. “Nicholas, I’m sorry, but what is this meeting about?”

Nicholas appeared unfazed as he took a long drag. “That smug bastard told me to check you out,” he paused to ash his cigarette, “you know, Leonard.”

Garry felt a nervous churn in the pit of his stomach at the mention of his benefactor’s name. The same apprehension that hadn’t quite wane from yesterday was back with everything it had, like dying fire being fed oil. Suddenly, this insignificant appointment he’d had this past week had turned into something of grave relation to him. He didn’t know how much Mr. Garland was onto, or what the man was planning, but he knew yesterday’s conversation was far from finished. The uncertainty only made the dread plaguing him worsen.

“You should’ve heard him mention me quite a few times.” Nicholas made a gesture with the hand that was holding the cig. “I was his advisor for grad school.”

“… I’m sorry. Mr. Garland never talked about that.” Garry answered honestly in his distress.

There was something like a pause as the older man stared back at him.

“Oh…” Nicholas leant forward with a serious look on his face. He looked riled up. “Then, you should’ve heard a lot about me from Scarlet. That kid’s probably already bored you with the constant bragging of her dad.”

He gave an apologetic smile. “She doesn’t talk much about her family—” His voice trailing off, Garry replayed the words in his mind. “Wait, what!?”

“Yes, I’m too young to be her father, yada yada yada, save it.” Nicholas scowled at nothing in particular, sitting back in his seat, and returned to the low tension state from before. It didn’t look like he was open for conversation so Garry kept his mouth shut. The silence stretched into some sort of a mix between awkward and comical as the man drew impatient breaths after breaths through his cigarette.

“I tell you, la’. An ungrateful bunch, the lot of them.”


A heavy feeling coiled around his chest as he lay on his bed, anxious about what was to come. With an arm draped over his forehead, he stared up at the ceiling above, trying to take an interest in the many shapes on its surface. The morning had come quicker than he would have liked it to, and he didn’t want to leave the bed. It was a form of escapism, he supposed. By staying idle, his legs tangled in the mess of a comforter, it felt as though he could freeze time at the moment he woke up. The curtains were drawn, keeping his room in minimal lighting, so he could ignore the rising sun. And if he didn’t walk out into the living room and turn the hourglass, the sand would remain stagnated, wouldn’t it?

You said Mr. Garland asked you to check me out. Why?” he’d asked Nicholas.

Hmm, does he ever tell you why he wants you to do something?”

“… No?”

So what makes you think he tells me?”

He was worried. Mr. Garland sent Nicholas for a reason. He feared it had to do with Ib. That devil had set his gaze on innocent little Ib because of Garry, and he was in no position to stop it. All these problems, why couldn’t they take their damn turn for once?

Garry sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. The hand that wasn’t busy kneading his forehead traced the fabric of his bed sheet. Slowly, carefully. The tips of his fingers found what he was looking for. A blot of dry blood that did not show on the black linen. He lightly scratched at the hardened material without bothering to look at it, having fixated on it enough when he found it last night. As soon as the scratches on his ribs healed, this would be the only thing left of that night. The one evidence to his sin of indulging himself at his beloved girl’s expense. And so easily, it, too, would be gone with some detergent and half an hour in the washer.

Nothing happened? It wasn’t that simple. Maybe she could pretend he’d never embraced her, but Garry couldn’t. He regretted hurting her…but he didn’t regret touching her. He’d tasted the forbidden fruit, and it was far sweeter, far more intoxicating than he could ever prepare himself for. Though this guilt had yet to disappear, he was already wanting more of her. The moment she’d called his name in the phone and given him hope, it’d marked the ebbing of his conscience, giving way for a deep dark desire to bare its fangs. But this disgusting, lusting beast wasn’t what she wanted, was it?

Ib wanted to glue back their broken friendship, no matter how sloppy a work it would be; even if the jagged pieces would never fit the same way again. She had no idea how cruel she was being with that naivety. To the both of them. Those jutting sharp edges were going to cut. He would hurt her with his love, and she would in return hurt him with hers.

He’d rather she screamed at him, hit him. She could’ve plucked his rose bare, rip its stem to shreds and left him to rot in that accursed gallery and it would’ve still been kinder.

But hey, he hadn’t exactly been kind to her either.

His nails scraped with more force on the fabric beneath his palm. Trying to leave her, holding their friendship hostage, scaring her, hurting her, scarring her. He’d indulged himself, so wasn’t it time he humored her childish ideals? The selfish piece of trash that he was, for the one girl he loved, he should be able to at least do that much. At least. He could at least try.

Garry opened his eyes and glanced to the large window. The sunlight was glowing behind the heavy drapery. He swiftly wondered how much time he had wasted lying here, before getting up. While stifling a sigh, he pushed the comforter and blanket to one corner and ripped the linen from his bed. He made a note to himself to clean the mattress and brought the balled up sheet to the laundry room.

After stuffing the bed sheet into the washer and set the machine going, he exited into the bathroom and stood himself in front of the mirror. He ran a hand over the stubble on his jaw, the other opening the medicine cabinet to get his razor.

When he was done cleaning himself up, Garry left the bathroom with a bandage on his left cheek. A quick look at the clock told him that it was well past eleven o’clock, and he found it rather surprising Ib hadn’t come ringing his doorbell already. She had sounded so determined and willful on the phone that he was convinced she would come as early as her parents would let her. But he guessed nothing was predictable anymore.

He figured he could do some vacuuming, which he’d neglected to do since last week.

By twelve, he had finished with the apartment and seated himself on the couch after a change of clothes. Staring at the black TV screen in front of him, he counted the seconds it took for the hourglass to finish its cycle. Two hundred and ninety-eight. Five minutes, with a margin of error. He flipped the ornament and had it start all over. Once, twice, thrice… By the sixth time, Garry got bored and tipped the thing over. It was close to twelve forty and she still hadn’t come. A long-forgotten memory of being stood up during his puberty years surfaced in his mind.

Maybe telling her she could come anytime wasn’t the wisest thing. But he’d felt like he had no right to dictate when she could go to a traumatic place. He wanted to give her any bits of choice she didn’t get to have that night.

He reminded himself that this was different from the times they used to hang out, and he doubted she was looking forward to it. There would be no going back from here. This was going to be that turning point, that change he’d craved and feared.

Getting up from the couch, he cracked his joints and went to fix himself a quick lunch.

At two, he was yawning from a full stomach, but couldn’t quite fall asleep on his bed. Maybe Ib had changed her mind and wasn’t going to come. Although, he didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed if that was the case.

He woke with a start around a quarter after three and sprang up straight, worried that he might have missed her. But without a way to make sure, he continued to wait.

At four, he decided to redress his bed. He was halfway done with it when the doorbell rung its shrill tone.

The dramatically slow build-up to the moment he’d mustered the courage to open the door revealed a delivery from his aunt. What kind of cliché anticlimax was this? He grudgingly signed the form, watched the woman disappear around the corner before crouching down to pick up the box.

“Garry.” The hesitant call of his name made his head snap up to the left. And there she stood, red eyes calm and small face half-hidden behind a muffler she was tugging at. Ib kept her distance and didn’t get any closer.

Hiding a wry look, he stood up holding the big box that was more bulky than heavy. Well, wasn’t this just perfect? Both of his hands were occupied, so it could actually look natural to not hold out his hand for her. Not that she would take it anyway.

He gave her a small smile that he hoped would make her more comfortable, and gestured inside with his chin.

“Come, Ib.”

 

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Chapter 26: Juncture

She was pulling a Prussian blue turtleneck over her head when her parents returned. They weren’t supposed to be back yet. The housekeeper had informed them that she was home—even though she had specifically asked the woman not to.

The little girl dismissed her displeasure, however, because she understood Mrs. Turner was just doing her job. Instead, she finished dressing herself and took a look in the mirror. She would’ve preferred something that didn’t remind her so much of him, but that was only a distant concern.

As long as it wouldn’t be seen…

She glanced at the empty laundry basket at the corner, gaze lingering, and pattered out of the room.

Down in the lounge, she hung around but not after quietly greeting her parents. There was a sluggish quality to each of their movements that spoke volumes of their exhaustion, so she made sure to stay out of their way.

Ma was finishing up on arranging the coat rack when she met her gaze. The woman tilted her head in a smile, the gentle expression almost making Ib want to cry. She was far more emotional than she’d like to let up. The tingling sensation welling up from under her lids was an alarm, and she blinked to push the tears back. With all her efforts, she missed the chance to give any semblance of a response.

It was okay, Ib told herself. She seldom smiled back anyway, and her mother was used to it.

Alysha loosened a few top buttons of her dress, mentally shaking her head at her daughter’s usual expressionless stare. Ib took so much after Nathan, and she didn’t know whether to be happy or concerned. Stifling a sigh, she went into the kitchen to pour herself and Nathan a cup of tea. It was a little habit they shared after a night out, and judging from the way her husband was slouching on the armchair, he needed his fix of healing herbal tea.

Ib was now left alone with her father. He was massaging his shoulders while holding back a big yawn. His eyes were hooded and he looked like he could fall asleep just from blinking too slowly. Yet, those brown eyes soon regarded her with an alertness that she wished wasn’t there. She wished he wasn’t paying attention to her. She wished he’d leave her alone. It was selfish. Ma and Pa came back for her so early even though the party must have gone on way past midnight. And the drive wasn’t short, either. She felt guilty for thinking such thoughts, but she couldn’t help it.

Pa took off his dark blazer and left it on the arm of his seat. When he patted his thigh, she barely kept herself from shaking her head right away. Barely. She still shook her head a tad too quickly, and to cover it up, she went to sit on the couch opposite from him.

He chuckled, sitting back in the chair, but she didn’t miss the hint of loneliness in his eyes.

“So Ib, how was last night?” His innocent question stomped down at the dread swirling within her.

It suddenly became hard to breathe.

“Did something happen that you came back so early?”

A chill stabbed straight through her heart, causing her whole body to tense up in spite of herself. It just wasn’t possible that Pa would have any idea about last night, she knew that. His wording only hit a little too close to the nail’s head. He was most likely just curious, seeing as she had always tried to stay with Garry for as long as possible. Noting his expectant look, however, she instinctively knew she only had a small window of time to give him an answer before that casual curiosity became full-blown suspicion.

She needed to reply. But…what should she say?

The fine wine generously offered by his business partner had not been kind. Nathan took a deep breath as he felt a yawn coming, a part of his mind wondering if coming home had been a good idea at all. It wasn’t like he didn’t understand his wife’s wish that he spent as much time as he could with Ib. Really, he would like nothing more than to be there for his little girl every day if not for his busy schedule. He just didn’t think being a wet blanket in his bed for the rest of the afternoon was very practical to the cause.

He set his eyes back onto his daughter, sitting over at the couch – her downcast gaze seemingly indifferent to his question. Ib was always awkward and reserved, just as he had been in his childhood, but since when had she passed that milestone? Why was she already distancing from her father?

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t already known the answer to that question. Ever since that boy showed up, things had begun to change—faster than they should. So much faster.

“Ib?” he nudged, still waiting for his answer. He caught a swift change in her expression and got the hazy sense that something was off. His little girl was upset. Her eyes were also red from what might have been lack of sleep. It should be a cause for alarm, but his fatigue-addled brain calmly attributed it to the fact that his sulking daughter just didn’t get her fill of Garry-time – as his wife had so named it. The thought only further tickled his curiosity. He never thought the boy was capable of ushering Ib home so early.

Ib was still off in her own little world. Sometimes it was so difficult to get her to talk, he thought wryly. He was about to press his question when Alysha returned and handed him his cup of tea on a small plate. He promptly thanked her before taking a slow, savoring breath of the grassy aroma that put a smile on his lips.

“So what were you two talking about?” Alysha started after taking a sip of her tea, her tone chipper despite her feeling like an old oven nibbling on it last piece of half-burnt wood. It was her job to make sure the few bonding opportunities for the awkward pair of father and daughter didn’t reduce to stale silence. Balancing her cup on the plate with one hand, she took a seat on the arm of Nathan’s chair and gave his stiff shoulder several light squeezes.

“Well, I was just wondering why Ib was back this early, but—” Pa stifled another yawn, “it appears she’s rather sullen because of it.”

Ib inwardly cringed where she sat. She’d thought she was off the hook. She wasn’t even done thanking Ma for her timely reappearance, yet… The little girl had always appreciated her mother’s help with the abysmal communication between her father and her—just not this time.

“Aw, I’m sure Garry’s just busy.” Ma said to her before turning back to Pa. “You don’t think we were imposing on him at a bad time, do you? It is exam season right now.”

“Mm, is it? It’s been too long since I got my master’s.”

“Look at you, talking like an old man.”

“Am I not one?” Pa said with a lighthearted laugh.

Ib watched their conversation played out with a bubbling dissatisfaction. One part, she was comfortable that their attention wasn’t on her; the other part, however, wanted their attention, wanted them to be concerned about her, because she deserved it. Obviously! After what had happened last night.

But her parents didn’t know about last night, now…did they? She would have to tell them first.

“If you’re old, what does that make me? A relic?”

“No! No, no. You,” he gave her knee a gentle tap, “are radiant.”

Ma giggled at his words, and Pa didn’t hide his smug look. They were always more playful as they enjoyed their favorite tea.

They really didn’t think anything of it—of how odd she was acting. She would have to tell them… But if she did, wouldn’t they be mad at her?

“So how’s Garry?” Ma looked to her. “You look like you haven’t had a blink of sleep! Did he let you stay up late? Seriously, that boy yields too easily.”

“It’s been a while since we got a chance to meet him. He’s okay, I hope?”

Ib wished she was in her room, curling up under the familiar scent of her blanket. But she came down to greet her parents for a reason, even if she still didn’t quite know what that reason was. She dreaded their reaction, dreaded that they wouldn’t love her anymore. Because she felt disgusting. She was disgusting— and dirty. And it was all her fault—

You are not at fault.”

She froze at the memory.

I know I’m nobody but trust me on this, ‘kay? It’s all on him.”

No one will blame you.”

.

Something sparked in her mind then. Understanding was clicking in.

He’s in the wrong.”

The reason for those words…

What he did was disgusting and despicable.”

The purpose of telling her them over and over… It was not out of kindness or sympathy. It wasn’t even empty consolation like she had thought.

He’ll pay for what he did.”

.

Ib finally understood what Scarlet was trying to do. And the lady had succeeded.

She looked up at her parents. Dry mouth swallowing, she sucked in a breath.

“Last night, Garry…”


Monday came with the usual chilliness of late winter, waking him from a sleep he hadn’t realized he’d drifted into. Nightingale was playing in his ears. A calm, beautiful serenade was stuck on repeat, wasted just because he didn’t want to hear the silence. His right ear was sore from having slept against the earbud. He was in the last position he remembered he’d been in, curled up under his thick blanket. The light in the room was on.

Although severely sleep-deprived, his biological clock had pushed through and forced him to get out of bed. He did his usual morning routine to get ready for the day with the song still playing in the background. He went into his wardrobe and threw on whatever articles he happened to grab, not bothering to match them like he normally could not go without. Some jeans, a shirt and—well, that was it.

Garry had to leave the house. He didn’t want to hear the silence because he would hear…things…and he was already sick of the song. Any song really.

He staggered down several flights of stairs instead of taking an elevator. His body was heavy from hunger, but he ignored it. He walked outside and put on a black denim jacket.

The usual scenery greeted him, neatly trimmed grass and meticulously pruned trees. He headed for downtown, eager to leave the quiet neighborhood behind. There were more people around as he kept on walking, but not enough to be crowded. It was loud enough, though. His feet brought him along the usual path to his university. The usual mob of people that passed him by, minding their own businesses; the usual stores that opened at the same usual hours… Everything was as usual.

Something had drastically changed, but all these people keep going about none the wiser. The world moved on without a care. And he walked it as if he belonged.

It felt so wrong, but he didn’t know how to fix it.

The campus was nigh empty. He didn’t have any classes for the day – or for the next few weeks, for that mattered – but he would get some paperwork done and hang around the campus until it was time for an appointment he had. He wanted to go inside the library at first, but ended up avoiding it like the plague. A horde of maundering kids was touring the place due to some promotion event with the local elementary schools.

Garry grumbled and left for the Admission and Records building. As he walked down a long hallway, he checked his watch to make sure the offices were open. There was another set of footsteps echoing aside from his. It was in a hurry, as though trying to catch up to him.

“Hey, morning.” Lucy tapped his arm as she skidded to a stop by his side.

“Oh, morning.”

“Youch!” she made a face, eyeing him up and down. “Did you put on one of those cheap zombie makeups they have in Halloween. Also, yellow is not your color.”

He gave a disinterested hum. It seem he’d put on a yellow shirt – a gift from his aunt if he remembered it right.

The girl got in front of him and started to tug at his clothes like an overzealous fitting room attendance. “Hmm, well. The jacket is making up for it, thank god, but you are still a walking nightmare and a menace to everything holy about A&F. Is something the matter?” She paused to look up at him. “With your head, particularly.”

Garry narrowed his eyes. “Our people barely even noticed I’ve been wearing this jacket for a whole week. As long as I’m not also sporting red pants and an iridescent afro,” he swiveled around her to resume his trek, “I’m sure I pass society’s scrutiny with flying colors.”

“No, no. You don’t get to take that tone!” She chased after him, but struggling to keep up. “For one, as one of our people,” she used the air quote with a roll of her eyes, “you can’t seriously be okay with what the general society dictates. And second, I left you alone because it was finals and Ms. Lynch might as well have squashed the whole class under her super-sized ego. But we’re so done and over with her now, and damn it you even got full As this semester.”

“Now, wait just a minute,” he stopped and turned to her. “How do you know my grades? That is pri—”

“The point is, Garry,” she jabbed a finger at his chest, purposely making it hurt, “you don’t get to give people the slightest reason to laugh at what we do. Those holier-than-thou art majors already think us the butt of the school’s joke! But most importantly, you don’t get to give me the cold shoulder!”

Garry opened his mouth, ready to bristle, but her hard gaze made him think better of it. She was angry. Angry and upset. He’d been avoiding her ever since she spotted him smoking. It was almost laughable that he’d actually thought that kind of tactic was going to work on her, and now he got what was coming for him. She wasn’t the type to keep herself bottled up like—

“So. Do you have anything to say to me?” She crossed her arms.

Looking into her brown eyes that were slightly glazed, he felt his anger being doused by a torrent of guilt. She didn’t deserve it, he knew. She just cared, and was trying to help. It was just that…Lucy knew how to get onto his case, and she was so good at it he was afraid she could see through everything he was trying to hide.

Still, it wasn’t fair to vent his frustration on her like this.

“… Sorry,” he lowered his gaze and hung his head. “Just…don’t ask me.”

She exhaled, unfolding her arms. “Why, Garry? I’m worried about you.”

“Because I’ll tell you.”

It was the first time he’d ever seen her speechless.

“You don’t want to know. And I don’t want you to, either.”

For a while, they stared at each other. He could tell she was considering his words, could see the cogwheels in her brain working to analyze and understand whatever expression that was on his face. “Please.” His whisper broke the silence, and he turned to continue towards his destination.

Without a word, she followed him. This time, however, he shortened his stride so that she could walk with him. They arrived at the office where Lucy patiently waited until he finished getting his transcripts. It was only after they walked out the door that she started, “So where are we going?”

“Sorry, not ‘we,’ hon,” he smiled apologetically, “I have an appointment in the President’s office. Maybe later.” There was still a good four hours until the meeting, but he wanted that time alone.

“Garbear, I’m glad for you and all, but please leave some scholarships for us too.”

He chuckled. “It’s not like that. Apparently some super genius bioengineer wants to see me.”

“Does the guy want a fancy new suit for some groundbreaking announcement?” At this, he couldn’t help but laugh. “Right? What would a scientist want with you?

“I said the same thing, but Mr. Schulz said the guy was persistent so I couldn’t refuse.”

“Who now?”

Garry frowned. “Alec Schulz. The President.”

“Oh… Oh yeah! I think I get his newsletters in my spam.”

.

They parted ways in front of the building where he was supposed to have the appointment. Watching Lucy leave, he felt…lost. The time spent with her was short, but for a moment, it was as if everything was back to normal. It felt good, but at the same time so irritating. He shouldn’t be living a life like nothing had happened. Anytime now, it would be his time to pay.

When Lucy disappeared into another building, Garry made a sharp spin and headed for the library. The phone in his pocket started ringing, so he took it out without much of a thought. The ID onscreen made him freeze in his track. ‘Ib’s dad’ was displayed below the animated green phone.

His heart slowed before bursting into full panic.

The phone kept on ringing relentlessly in the same tune that he had installed a few weeks ago. It felt like forever before the call finally went to voicemail, and the line went dead right away. He was about to let go of the breath he’d been holding when his phone started ringing again, as if saying there was not a chance in hell the caller was going to leave the matter for a later time.

He felt weak in the knees, and his hand was shaking as he tried to press answer.

“H-hello?” his voice was a broken whisper.

There was only silence on the other side, and every second that he waited to hear a gruff voice laden with anger squeezed his windpipe a little tighter.

And then came a greeting that made his eyes go wide.

.

.

.

“Ib?”

 

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Trivia:

  • Alysha is 5 years older than Nathan–just like the author’s parents
  • Alysha had Ib at age 25, now do the math!
  • the President’s settings is partially based off of the author’s college’s President

Intermission: Glass of Time

Sand…

If only you’d ceased flowing…
Had you just poured faster…

My dearest wouldn’t be gone…
My precious would never have hurt…

??? by the ???, I ??? my finger over her beautiful ???

With her ???, she…

The book was abruptly closed and taken from her loose grip. She raised her head, looking up at the figure standing behind her. Her face didn’t betray it, but her eyes openly conveyed her displeasure. It was one thing to invade her personal space, standing so closely and reading over her shoulder, but snatching away her read was just plain rude.

At her incriminating stare, he merely replied, “Don’t read this kind of stuff until you’re older,” with an embarrassed connotation to his tone. It was difficult to make out his expression with the dim lighting, but it seemed to be somewhere between a frown and a blush.

She watched him put the book away on the highest shelf that even he could barely reach while vehemently muttering something – not very nice things, she gathered – about Guertena. As if to mock him, the book slipped from his fingers and fell back down, bouncing off his head before landing with a thud near her feet.

She bent down to help him pick it up, but he immediately snatched the book away before she could.

She held his gaze. His mouth opened to say something, but didn’t, and he went back to putting the book away. She didn’t understand why he needed to try so hard. Not like she could, or would, get the book if he left it any lower. She wasn’t so keen on reading something he clearly wasn’t going to help her read.

It was amusing, however, watching him pick a fight with the shelf that refused to receive the book.

In a corner of her young mind, she found herself hung up on his words. When would ‘older’ be? He was treating her like a child.

You’re really mature, aren’t you?”

He was treating her like a child despite saying things like that.

Just how much longer would she then be considered his equal?

I ??? to us; every time we ??? ??? I feel ???

??? myself to his flaming ???, I stroke his ???

Lips ??? in a ??? smile, he…

Why do you cling to the hand you ran from?

“Ib!” A voice shattered her trancelike daze as a weight rested on her shoulder. She met her friend’s soft blue eyes. “Don’t look so wistful. Haven’t you been looking forward to this?” The blonde leaned into the crook of her neck and gave her waist a firm hug from behind.

“Yeah…”

“Come on, I’m really glad you’re going with me.”

.

“So, is that all?”

She glanced around her room, drinking in the familiar angles that would soon become far away. They were all so dear that she found herself hesitating. But… she didn’t want to take any of them along.

The girl looked down at the simple object in her hands. “This is everything.” Her fingers curled around the cold, delicate glass; she held it tight.

The door to her room closed behind her. Together with her best friend, she went down the stairs and out to the front porch. Her parents were waiting for them. Their entire luggage had been mounted, and she only needed to join them on the car. She slowed, letting the blonde pass her by to turn around and look at the mansion that had cradled her childhood. It wasn’t goodbye forever, so why was she so restless? Her eyes locked onto the slanted window wall where her room was.

She heard her parents calling. The engine started to rumble.

I love you, Ib… I wish we could stay like this…”

The things she was used to having, things she’d taken for granted… gone. She wanted them back.

True… Take any hand you want.

The blonde held out a waiting hand, impatiently urging her lest they’d be late.

Sand was falling steadily between her fingers.

She gave a discreet smile and breezed past her friend. “Last person in gets to pull the suitcases,” she said over her shoulder. The blonde responded in kind and they raced the short distance to the car.

Doors slammed shut, and the car sped off. Looking out the window, she watched the mansion slowly sink behind the curtain of trees. Her fingers fiddled with the treasured keepsake.

The road ahead was straight.


Hourglass, Hourglass lying horizontal

Why is it so easy to tip you over?

Why is it impossible to quench the flow of time?

Glass of Time

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Chapter 25: Iniquity

“I had perfect timing, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yes, sir.” Garry managed to mumble a reply to the man’s amused tone without sounding rude. Just impeccable, he thought as he took a seat in the armchair per Mr. Garland’s wordless command.

After Scarlet had fled – literally fled from the scene with a clumsily spluttered goodbye – Garry was left alone with his benefactor. Naturally, the man was invited inside, much to Garry’s chagrin. The only thing he was thankful for was that the blonde had taken Ib with her.

Walking to the living room with Mr. Garland had been nerve-wracking, to say the least. Judging from the look on Scarlet’s face when she saw “uncle Leo,” Garry didn’t think the man was too fond of him soliciting with her. The thought that impending doom was hanging over his head ironed his back straighter than a bowling lane, and Garry found himself sitting at the edge of his seat. He felt like a guest in his own abode, but to be fair, the man did own the place—and Garry, in a sense.

“Don’t worry about that little vixen, okay?” Garry blinked, confused for a moment before realizing the man was talking about Scarlet. Mr. Garland extended a smile that did not reach his eyes. “You wouldn’t have been hanging around her all this time if I wasn’t okay with it.”

He felt chills at the man’s word, understanding that he was being kept under a certain degree of surveillance. And he couldn’t help but wonder just how much his benefactor had already known about his life, social and personal. It wouldn’t be a surprise if the man was aware of last night… But it was probably not the case seeing as they were still leisurely chatting like this.

Garry squirmed in place as he followed Mr. Garland’s gaze around the room.

The coffee table was ajar from his frustrated kicking, and there was the towel hanging off its edge. The hourglass was on the rug, off to the side of the sofa set. The pillow and blanket he had brought out last night was shoved into a messy bundle that oozed untidiness just next to where Mr. Garland sat. Everything that entered his vision was pure horror. He partly appreciated that his benefactor – comfortably slouched against the cushion – didn’t seem to mind, but Garry still itched to clean everything up to salvage any last bits of his image.

After all, it was only normal to want to look good in front of someone important. And it was also normal for someone important to expect high standards… right?

“I gotta say, kid. You’re finally acting your age!”

What seemed like smug admiration flickered in the man’s eyes.

Okay, so Mr. Garland wasn’t exactly a normal case.

“I… had a busy morning.” Garry croaked out his excuse even though there wasn’t a need for one. He wasn’t bothered by his benefactor’s words, but rather their lighthearted nature. It had been a terrible morning, and the chipper demeanour was like an off-key hum that disrupted his dreary pace. It wasn’t necessarily a good thing.

Mr. Garland went on to say something, but Garry wasn’t paying enough attention to understand. Things just didn’t feel right… after what had happened. He should be taking care of Ib, yet was stuck receiving his benefactor. He wasn’t up to this. What was there to talk about? A feeling of defiance was simmering somewhere in a corner of his mind. He felt so out of place. He direly needed a minute to himself.

“Garry.” Mr. Garland snapped his fingers in quick succession, breaking the haze of Garry’s thoughts. “I know I came over early but stay with me now.” He loosened his tie, chuckling, and shrugged off his suit jacket. “I said. You still have some sleep in your eyes.”

Garry’s hand shot up to his face, finger quickly wiping away the dry crumbs at the corners of his eyes. “I’m s-sorry,” he mumbled, suddenly aware of how he looked all this time: hair mussed from irritated fingers, and clothes all wrinkled after a night of acting as sleepwear. Feeling overly conscious, Garry meekly corrected his posture. It was then that he thought he saw brown eyes narrowed with enjoyment, and swallowed to soothe his suddenly dry throat.

Mr. Garland told him it was all right, because he’d deliberately come this early to catch Garry off guard and, to quote the man, see a gormless look on his sleepy face. Garry fought not to frown as he heard this.

A cleanly shaven and well-groomed look. A slender build with average height that stood one head shorter than Garry. Leonard Garland was just a normal successful businessman, but Garry constantly regretted not seeing otherwise at first. The amiable, easygoing smile was somehow malicious. The generous gestures were somehow controlling and manipulative… Garry just hoped he wouldn’t be sticking around long enough to know for sure what kind of devil he’d signed a deal with.

“You don’t seem too surprised that I’m here, though.”

Garry’s heart skipped a beat as his mind flickered back to the note in front of his door. The note that he had scrunched up and— His eyes fell onto a crumpled ball of paper on the coffee table, right in front of Mr. Garland. His blood ran cold. Garry immediately averted his eyes elsewhere, lest he drew unnecessary attention to the ball of trash. Remembering that he still needed to respond, he looked back to the man.

“Well, I—ve been expecting you to drop by…” he spoke quickly to make up for the delay while praying that Mr. Garland wouldn’t be too suspicious about it. Or get curious about the note. “I knew you were back, and… you did want to meet up before.” He wasn’t lying. For a while now he hadbeen aware Mr. Garland was in town; and he had been expecting the man to come— even if he’d only started doing so mere hours ago. So he wasn’t lying to the man. God no. Not to his face.

Mr. Garland didn’t hide the disbelieving squint of his eyes, but thankfully didn’t question Garry any further. Instead, the man started asking about Garry’s study and living condition, like a benefactor should be doing. There was just one thing. He breezed through the questions in a bored tone, not even bothering to listen to half of Garry’s answers. At one point, it started to feel like a survey where he only needed to choose yes or no. Garry quickly realized that his benefactor didn’t care for the details. Ms. Voltfied was always the one asking questions and keeping notes – which begged the question why the man was here without her.

“Moving on!” The man’s tone became animated again, but Garry was slow to catch on to the change. “Tell me about the Lowell’s little girl.”


Thick rubber grated over the gravel path as a silver car slowly crawled up to a sign that wrote Private Driveway – No Trespassing. It was already past ten o’clock, but the neighborhood was so quiet one could have been convinced the residents were all still asleep.

“I swear…” Scarlet pulled over and set the engine to neutral, foot still stepping on the break. She stared out the tinted windshield, at the gorgeous mansion perching atop the hill they were heading up. “My daddy is well off, but yours is just loaded, isn’t he?” she commented conversationally, looking back to the child sitting in her passenger seat.

Ib didn’t say a word. Neither did she give any indication that she had heard the older girl. She had. She just couldn’t seem to care enough to give a reply even if it was just to be polite; never mind how potentially rude the comment was. She had initially been cooperative because she was thankful for the lady’s help… and surprised to find someone with the same red eyes as hers outside of her family. However, in the end, this was still a stranger next to her. And if she hadn’t answered to that man whom she loved so much, why should a stranger be treated any different?

Her hands habitually searched for the fabric of her skirt, fingers curling.

The silence inside the car stretched. There was only the hum of the car engine rumbling in the background. Honestly, she didn’t want to stay with a stranger any longer than necessary. And with her home within sight, she could just get off and walk up there. Yet, she didn’t felt quite ready to go back. She’d never wanted her mother’s hug so bad, but at the same time she dreaded to see her again.

Her parents would surely ask about the sleepover, like they always had. Ib couldn’t seem to remember how she had answered them all those times before. She still didn’t understand, but she knew from now on things could never be the same again. Maybe she should have stayed. Maybe she should have heard him out. Maybe if she had, she would actually know what to make of things, and they could fix this somehow.

“Garry.”

Her head immediately snapped up.

“That got your attention, huh.”

She glanced to her left and met Scarlet’s narrowed eyes. The older girl didn’t seem angry, just… tired.

“So, as I was saying. Remember. You are not at fault.”

Ib felt the rims of her eyes prickle; but she hardened her jaw and bit the tears back, refusing to let her visage crack. If the lady was trying to make her feel better, it wasn’t working. She lowered her gaze away, attempting to block Scarlet out again. The lady had been like a broken record the entire ride, constantly telling her that it wasn’t her fault. That—

“He did a horrible thing.”

Just because she didn’t answer didn’t mean she wasn’t listening. Realize that already! Ib wanted an explanation. Not redundant consolation, which she found hard to accept even. If there was something she remembered clearly about last night, it was that she had disobeyed Garry every step of the way. He told her to go home, but she stayed. He told her to go to sleep without him, but she just had to go out and bother him… He had even told her to go back inside and lock the door, but she’d clung to him…

And all that wasn’t her fault?

“… Garry,” she felt a nip in her chest at the mention of his name, “what he did was disgusting and despicable.” Scarlet placed a hand onto her shoulder, alarming her every nerve. If she had felt the jolt Ib’s body had involuntarily given, the lady didn’t show it. Red eyes narrowed at her as the older girl repeated, “Get it? This whole mess is his responsibility.”

Ib broke the eye-contact and stared back down at her skirt, but not before shirking the hand squeezing her shoulder away.

Scarlet withdrew her hand and ran it through her dyed locks. The car gave a muffled groan as the gears were shifted. “All right. Do you want me to take you up there?”

Silence.

“No,” was the simple, belated answer. The little girl undid her seatbelt and, despite her lethargic looks, was outside in a matter of seconds, bowing at Scarlet before walking away.

Scarlet sat watching the girl’s retreating back, mind in a mess of her own. She couldn’t believe Garry had the balls… No, scratch that. He didn’t, but he did it anyway. And Leonard Garland. The benefactor Garry so seldom mentioned was actually Leonard-freaking-Garland. She should have suspected something when that guy lived so conveniently close for booty calls. She slumped against the steering wheel, taking care not to put pressure on the horn.

“Garry, Garry, Garry,” she exhaled. Her finger reached for the windshield and tapped over the little girl, now a good distance away. “This is the last time I’m helping you.”


“P-pardon, sir?”

Garry could practically see the gleeful interest welling up in the man’s eyes as they watched him pale.

“Ib Evelyn Lowell,” Mr. Garland calmly said, crossing his legs. “The kid that my lovely niece took off with. Tell me about her.”

Garry’s heart made an awful squeeze and broke into a rampage against his ribs. His shoulders tensed, hands knitted together to grip down on the shaking that was soon to come. It felt as if he had been caught red-handed. He reminded himself to breathe—and to maintain eye contact. There should be no surprise his benefactor was aware of Ib and him. He must not act guilty. The man didn’t—shouldn’t know about “it.” He had to stay calm. Mr. Garland was probably just voicing his concerning about him hanging around a high-profile little girl.

His body rigidly relaxed.

“I—” he fought to keep his voice from shaking, “thought you were okay with it. I mean, I’ve been with her all this time.”

Garry could have punched himself in the face when he heard the spite in his own words.

“Defensive, are we?” Mr. Garland chuckled in the same blithe manner he always carried, making impossible to gauge his actual mood. “I’ll give you points for using my words against me, though. But don’t worry, I’m all for it. After all, she’s the best connection you have outside of my jurisdiction. She’ll definitely be useful later on.”

Keep her out of your filthy politics. Garry tried to keep the look of distaste from showing. The idea of using Ib never even crossed his mind, yet here this man was casually dirtying the nature of their relationship. And the worst part was that he could only sit and take it as if it was true.

“However, something caught my attention the other day, and I find the need to reconfirm.”

Shit, it’s about the time I stood him up, isn’t it. “Can I ask what it was—”

“Nope.” The man raised an eyebrow as if to make a point. “So, go on, tell me about your little friend.”

Garry sucked in a breath. What he wouldn’t do to rip out his tell-tale heart right now, pummel it into a million pieces and flush it down the toilet.

He began to tell Mr. Garland about how he met Ib. The uneventful and, to put it bluntly, fake story, which Ib and he had perfected during the first few months after their reunion, that in no explicable way explained their bond. It was just a more believable explanation than the version he had given to Ib’s parents.

“You two seem rather close for the meeting you claim to have, hmm.”

He was afraid this would come up. Just how much did the man have them investigated?

“… Yes, it’s strange, I agree.” He gave a breathless laugh. “I guess we just clicked.”

Mr. Garland bored straight at him in a pensive manner, head tilted against his hand. “Garret, do you remember your interview?”

Garry blinked at the sudden turn of the conversation. Nonetheless, he thought back to the interview around a year ago, when he had still been struggling to finance himself and naively applied for a sponsorship.

He’d sit amongst other nervous interviewees, waiting for his turn. The dangling prize was a private sponsorship for fashion major students whose dreams are too often laughed at and unsupported by cynical parents. Of course people from his department swarmed the opportunity like flies did honey. However, the first selection hadn’t been lenient, wiping out what he suspected was eighty percent of the applicants. There weren’t that many people left for the interview.

When his name was called, he stood up and quietly passed by a girl that was leaving. Inside, he shook hands with the two people present. Ms. Voltfied’s albino looks caught his eyes at first, but then he saw Mr. Garland – chairman and CEO, as the nameplate indicated. Young for such a position, but Garry had read that the company was inherited and was able to keep his surprise at bay. What got him, however, was how… down-to-earth… the man looked. He even swiftly entertained the idea that it was an employee acting as a double for the real chairman.

The interview took place. It wasn’t his first time, so he knew roughly what he could be asked. And for the most part, everything was predictable. It had gone so smoothly that Garry didn’t remember what exactly he was asked. But then Mr. Garland asked him something that had stood out.

“What are your thoughts on children?” Mr. Garland’s voice snapped Garry back to the present. “Do you remember what you told me?”

“… Yes, sir.” His face darkened as he realized what the man was getting at.

“What was it now?”

Garry hesitated. “I told you I hated them… sir… I still do. They’re weak and pathetic.” Just like his cousin who writhed from his kick when it probably didn’t even hurt that much. Just like he had been under the tyrant that was his father. “I meant every word.”

Some people would have lied. Some people would have picked better wordings to tone it down. But the out of context question had led him to believe the sponsorship required him to work with children. Garry was afraid that if he didn’t made it clear enough, he might get chosen for something he hadn’t signed up for.

“Now, now,” Mr. Garland looked amused, sitting up straight. “I never thought you were lying. I’m very aware there always are exceptions. Though it’s still most curious that you and she are so close.”

“Ib’s just… different,” he said, reiterating what he had been telling himself the past two years. “Sir, this,” he tapped his temple, “it’s not a preference. It’s a disorder and for whatever reason, she’s… she doesn’t pass the criteria. I’m just strangely okay with her being there. Any distaste I have just doesn’t apply no matter which angle I look.”

He waited for Mr. Garland to say something in return, but the man kept quiet. But it wasn’t the contemplative, sympathetic kind of quiet. It was the scrutinizing, confrontational and judging kind that clawed at his certainty.

“You know, Garry, most would accept that as an explanation. But I’ll tell you now, it isn’t working on me. You’re still not telling me why—” he paused, the hint of a smile never leaving his face, “why she’s so important. We all know I have my sources, and we all know you two are more close-knitted than your little story suggests. So, won’t you tell me?”

Garry fought the grimace that was threatening to form. He had hoped his longwinded speech would throw the man off, but it seemed he had been too hopeful. He resolved to stay quiet and hold out for as long as he could. Mr. Garland already knew too much, and Garry feared the idea of giving away any more information that would let the man have even more of a hold on him.

Time seemed to stand in place as he impatiently counted every second in his head. The pressure from his benefactor’s calm gaze was driving him crazy— until help came in the form of a ringtone. A simple default ringtone found in all smartphones.

“Or maybe you can’t,” Mr. Garland muttered offhandedly before taking out his phone to answer the call. “What’s up, Rin?”

Garry relaxed his body and seized the chance to look elsewhere for the first time since he took his seat, feeling like he had just been released from a snake’s hypnotism. He easily tuned out the man’s conversation with his secretary, not wanting to accidentally hear anything he wasn’t supposed to… and also not wanting to listen to the man’s voice altogether.

“‘Kay, I’ll be right there.” Mr. Garland promptly stood up just as he ended the call.

Garry immediately followed suit and shot up to his feet, secretly bubbling with joy and relief that his benefactor was leaving sooner that he’d thought. The man looked up at Garry as he fixed his tie. “Something came up, so I’ll leave you with this,” he picked up his jacket and started to walk pass Garry when he tapped on his arm, “set your priorities straight, yeah?”

.

“No need to see me out.”

With that, his benefactor disappeared into the corridor, and it wasn’t much later that he heard the door opened and closed.

Garry dropped back down to the armchair and let go of a breath he’d been holding. He wiped his face, mind replaying the conversation in lightning speed. So it really was about the time he canceled their meeting. It wasn’t even anything much, but he guessed Mr. Garland wanted to address the problem when it was only a seedling. The man always made sure to do that, as far as Garry cared to observe. What the man didn’t know was that he was already two years too late.

This seedling had long plunged its roots into hard concrete.

 

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Trivia:

  • for one year, Garry managed to trick himself with the “explanation.” Now he uses it on other people instead

Chapter 24: Batsu

When it rains, it pours…


What had he done?

Garry felt the ball of dread settling down in his chest. He was sure Scarlet already knew, so why ask still? To mock him? Look down on him? To make him spell it out and rub it in his face? He wasn’t about to play her game. Scarlet quirked an eyebrow at him, showing no intention to let her question slide. She wanted an answer, and he could just give her one. See here… the answer was simple, so damn simple. But for that very reason, he couldn’t find it in him to say it out loud.

“You already know.” He lowered his voice, feeling conscious that it wasn’t just Scarlet who could hear him. He reached back and pushed the bathroom door so that it was more closed than opened.

“No, I don’t,” she spat back. “I think you did something, and, god forbid, press a knife to my back if it pleases you, I am not setting one foot into that room until I know.”

His teeth ground together. What was he supposed to say? He had forced himself onto an eleven-year-old girl and smeared his lust all over her. He had done it, and loved it. Crossing the line had blurred any common sense he might have had left. He thirsted for her like a desert thirsted for rain, and every kiss only made him crave her more. Even as she cried and pleaded, a part of him was convinced deep down she enjoyed it and felt even remotely the same way he did. So he never stopped.

Oh yes, he loved every single second of it.

I raped her, and I fucking loved it.

If only he could spat those words out and see the look on Scarlet’s face then. He could’ve sworn he had hated this girl all his life. He hated, hated those… those red eyes. So calm and patronizing, as if judging him. What right did she have? She knew nothing. The things that he had been through, the depth of his feelings… this girl knew jack. His fists curled tight by his sides.

“Spineless chicken.” At his silence, she hurled him an insult.

His hands started to shake despite him gripping them so tight he could feel the bones of his knuckles jutting out against his skin. Then again, it was because of his grip that they were shaking in the first place. He felt so restricted. He just wanted to lash out at this annoyance in front of him. He imagined, for a swift moment, seizing her by the neck, stopping short of crushing her windpipe. But something was keeping him back. It wasn’t enough. This wasn’t enough. Where was it? That final push so that he could blame the circumstances and just lose control. She was right; he was still a coward.

“… I touched her,” he finally said, eyes on the floor.

Rape wasn’t the right word. It was too violent a word. He was gentle. He cared.

He loved her.

An exasperated sigh broke his train of thoughts. “How far?”

He glanced up from under his bangs to meet with her piercing red gaze. “What?”

Don’t judge me.

A roll of the eyes. “How far did you go?”

Don’t judge me.

“Garry.”

He bit his lip.

His left ear rung abnormally painful for a slap that barely echoed in the quiet room. His silence had told her all she needed to know. Scarlet brushed past him without another word and closed the door behind herself.

It had been a mistake calling her here. He uncurled his hand and raised numbed fingers to his burning cheek, his throat clogging up.

His love wasn’t a crime.


Dirty.

She felt so dirty even as she exited the steaming shower. The biting cold was now a distant memory, yet her body still shivered every so often. She remembered. The memories were so vivid she could have sworn his hands still roam her body even now. His voice, the hoarse sighs that rumbled her eardrums. His rough fingertips raked at her sides, and greedy kisses that smothered her. Dizzying pain and wambling caress. She just wanted to go back under the hot water and maybe, finally— she would feel clean. But Ib knew from her wrinkly fingers that she had stayed in there longer than anyone would have liked it.

Standing in front of the lavatory mirror, she waited in a daze, not at all eager. The droplets of water tickled her cheek and neck as they seeped and rolled from her hair. Ib brought a hand up to wipe the itch away. She felt like crying again. The rims of her eyes were prickling with new tears as she fought to keep them in. Scarlet could be back anytime now with a new towel – one that wouldn’t smell so much like Garry – and the last thing she wanted was to show the stranger any more of her miserable side.

She looked into the mirror to make sure her face remained expressionless and briefly wondered just how much of an embarrassment she had been since yesterday. Ray was wrong. She should never have taken his advice. Like a fool, she had opened up and laid her feelings bare. Like an idiot, she rambled her thoughts aloud. Look where it had gotten her.

Her fingers shakily underlined a tiny red blotch just at the end of her right collarbone. If she closed her eyes, she could still feel his teeth grazing her skin, his hot tongue laving the shell of her ear… the absolute dominance he had held over her body. She had struggled uselessly against the cage that was his chest. That wasn’t right. In his arms was supposed to be a place of comfort… her place of comfort.

A chilling jolt broke out where her heart was when the door opened and the silver-haired lady stepped inside, towel and clothes in hand.

Ib discreetly placed her palm over the thumping in her chest. As she received the things from Scarlet, her mind clumsily planned out her course of action. She told herself that she would dry up… dress herself… and then leave…

She was going to leave…

Right?


Right.

She would have to go home… He would let her go home, right? There was no other way… Somehow, that didn’t feel right.

Garry sat on the couch, a leg drawn to his chest, chin resting on his knee. Scarlet had taken the new towel he had brought out and gone back inside the bathroom, leaving him once again alone with his thoughts.

He said thoughts, but he really only had one. Ib. Or to be fair, a million thoughts, big and small, revolving the little girl. He was still fixated on how she had refused his hand. Then there was the problem of getting her out of there. He hoped she was feeling better, but that was unlikely. Poor girl must have been so confused and frightened. Even he was confused. Last night still felt like a dream, and he still couldn’t believe he had embraced her. But the pleasure was real. He could still feel it with his entire body. He couldn’t even begin to describe the satisfaction of having his libido sated by the girl he loved, the ecstasy in knowing that he had been the one to give her every single sensation she might have been conscious of.

If only he could do something more than just sending a stranger in to take care of her. If only he could make her understand even just a little bit of his feelings for her.

He heard the doorknob turn and thoughts flashed by his mind at the speed of light. Ib was most likely done and coming out. How was he going to face her? Would she even let him? He could already imagine her averting her eyes and scurrying away from him. He needed time that he didn’t have to work things out with Ib. He needed to talk with her, but he also needed to send her away as soon as possible. His benefactor was coming, and he didn’t want that smarmy bastard anywhere near his Ib.

But what would she tell her parents? He should be able to ask her to keep quiet, but… would she hear him out? After what he had done?

The door opened.

Calm down.

He couldn’t get a single word in as Scarlet refused to listen to him. I don’t want to hear it, she said, and it was almost laughable because he wasn’t even trying to talk to her. Ib didn’t look at him though. She kept hiding behind Scarlet, who was a stranger. That wasn’t right. He should be the one she hid behind.

This can’t get any worse…

They were leaving. He chased after them and grabbed Scarlet by the shoulder. “Let go. Am I not here to take her home?” Yes. He did want them to leave soon, but not like this. He had to talk to Ib first, and, dammit, it shouldn’t be this hard.

It shouldn’t.

.

Here’s an idea.

“Fine.” He let Scarlet go and walked passed her, towards the door. “I’ll get the door for you.” His hand on the doorknob, he turned around. For a moment, his eyes lingered on Ib, who stood a little away from Scarlet. Perfect. She met his gaze and instantly looked to the ground… but this was perfect. Scarlet was giving him an incredulous look, so he cocked a brow at her. With a huff, she started putting on her boots as he anxiously waited for her to finish.

“Let’s go, Ib.” The blonde stood up straight and walked up to him… and into his reach. Ib was following close behind her, but not close enough.

Garry twisted the knob in his hand, yanking the door open, and took Scarlet by the arm before she could react. He was just about to shove her outside when—

“Oh, am I interrupting something?”

.

.

You’re fucked.

It felt as if a cold, slithering snake was dragging itself down his spine as he turned to face the owner of the dreadfully familiar voice. “… Mr. Garland… sir…” His insides iced over and hit wits vaporized, Garry didn’t even think to cover up the fear written all over his face.

The dark haired man simply smiled and lowered the hand that seemed to have been ready to push the doorbell.

Why? It wasn’t ten yet, was it?

“U-uncle Leo?” He heard Scarlet muttered behind him, and his eyes widened.

 

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Chapter 23: Trash

His thumb hovered over the number, hesitating. His breathing unconsciously ceased. He was worried for her, yes, but he was also scared. He was so scared. His heart was throwing a tantrum, his freezing hands shaking for a different reason. Nothing was supposed to matter, but… The moment he pressed this number, it would connect him with ‘reality.’ He did something, and he would have to take responsibility for it. He would have to…

Everything would spiral out of his control the moment someone else knows… But wasn’t it already so? He never had any control to begin with.

This silence was driving him crazy. He started tapping his finger on the floor with his free hand. Tok tok tok. Nervously, he continued the rhythm. He was fucking scared. He never meant for any of this to happen. He just loved her so, so much. She was so beautiful, even more so when tainted. He made love to her. He wasn’t wrong. He had stayed with her like she wanted, so in return he had gotten what he wanted. What he wanted. What she wanted. What they both wanted. What he wanted. What she wanted. What. They. Both. Wanted.

The things they wanted were not that much different.

Maybe no others would have to know about this. He could fix this by himself. Ib wouldn’t tell anyone, so if he kept his mouth shut, no one would have to know. He could sweep this all under the rug. Yes. He would slowly fix this. He just needed to get through this current predicament.

He locked the screen of his phone and got to his feet, eagerly grabbing the doorknob. The cold metal sent a chill along his skin. He blinked and looked down at the knob inside his hand. Just twist, push and go from there. He kept on staring. That guy was whispering somewhere. Open it, open it.

He tightened his grasp on the doorknob.


The door abruptly clacked opened and invited an icy breeze inside. A hooded figure stepped into the darkness of the apartment, shivering from the cold wind that sent her long hair fluttering. With hands shoved deep inside her jacket’s pockets, she pushed the door shut with her shoulder and let loose a sigh of relief, thankful to get away from the chilling temperature outside.

“All right, you oversize baby. I’m here,” she said loudly, pulling the hood of her jacket down as she locked the door behind her. It wasn’t like she was complaining, but the fact that she could walk in to the apartment without having to wait for Garry to open the door for her was mighty odd.

Hey, can you come over… please?”

Nnn… what…?” she had still been half-asleep, curling up under her blanket. “Garry… do you have any idea-“

Please,” he had somehow managed to cut her off with just a whisper. “Door’s unlocked so just come in.”

She left doors unlocked, not that paranoid pussy, not even on purpose; and that was her first clue that something was wrong, and the reason why she had frozen her ass getting here. Someone should be glad she still lived on the complex next to his – and even then, the short walk had been tortuously long.

Garry’s hurried footsteps from the dimly lit living room could be heard echoing into the corridor. He was coming for her. One hand groping for the light switch, she quickly patted down her disheveled hair, or at least the parts that felt disheveled – what she wouldn’t give for a mirror right now. Garry’s cryptic phone call hadn’t really given much of a leeway for a brush through her hair. The light was on, and this. Friggin’. Cowlick. Wasn’t. Going. Away! She slid her handbag down her arm and dropped it on the floor next to her. Giving her hair one last comb of her fingers, she bent down to take off her boots.

“Scarl,” without having to look, she could feel him approaching her through the vibration along the floor. “H-hey… T-thanks… for coming.” His voice was… How should she put it? He always talked with a certain falsetto, but right now there was no hint of it in his husky mumbling.

“Yeah, yeah, save the pleasantries. Give me a good reason,” she said, still untying the laces. “And it’d better be damn good ’cause you did not just yank a girl out of her beauty sleep at six AM Sunday to swat a spider for you.” Oh yes, pathetic as it might sound, it had happened before. As she stepped out of her boots, she noticed an unfamiliar pair of sneakers on the shoe rack, too small to even consider it adult’s, let alone male’s. Before she could put much of a thought in to it, however, a strong hand grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into the apartment.

“H-hey, Garry, what gives?” she struggled to keep up with him, stumbling at places, and it was only because of Garry’s solid grip that she hadn’t planted her face to the floor. It really hurt though. He hadn’t been kidding when he’d said he was unnecessarily strong. “Ow, Garry!” she put up a bit of resistance when he continued to pull her into the living room without a word. “Let go. I can walk on my own!”

“Just come,” was his muttered reply. His hold on her did loosen a bit, but he still firmly pulled her along. They headed past the sofa set and abruptly stopped for no reason – but she passed it off as him finally listening to her.

“Okay, Garbear, explanation. Now,” she snarled in a low voice, unconsciously matching his whispered tone. “What’s with the hush and push?”

His blue eyes traveled from her to the bathroom door, and back to her again, his hand rubbing his mouth – he did that a lot when nervous. She saw his jaw work to tell her something, but no sound came out; his grasp on her arm tightened. “What is it?” she tried to look into his eyes, but he kept averting them with the slightest turn of his head.

“… out…”

“Hm? What was that?” she leant in closer. Garry’s face was pale, his lips quivering as he struggled to repeat the words to her.

“… P-please, g-get her out of there for me.”

For a moment, she didn’t understand what he was talking about. But then, something clicked. She realized… the bathroom door was closed.


She felt so exposed. She wanted to turn the lights off and hide in the darkness again, but the thought that she would be walking towards him pinned her to the spot.

Ib had settled back down into the corner, leaving Garry’s towel on the floor. Her body shook uncontrollably with only his shirt on, but if she could, she would rather not wear it at all.

Garry left. She was glad that he did, but at the same time, she felt abandoned. She remembered the wry disappointment on his face when she had refused his hand. Did he hate her now? She didn’t want that. But what would she do if he touched her again… in places she had been taught to never show another? It hurt and she hated him for that, but she still cared for him so much. He was so important— she thought he cherished her too, so why had he hurt her so?

The sound of the knob turning got her clambering onto her feet with the thought that he might be coming in again. She had wanted to lock the door, but for the same reason that she hadn’t turned off the light, the door remained unlocked. Alarms blared inside her head when the door swung open, but there was nothing she could do but stand there.

To her relief and bewilderment, an unfamiliar lady with long silver hair was standing in the threshold. Her relief was short-lived, though. Next to the young woman, holding the door opened was Garry; the sight of his lavender hair made her heart skip a beat.

Ib tried to collect herself as the marble seeped its icy bite through her thin shirt, prickling the skin on her back. She began to fret the existence of this lady. Who was this stranger that Garry had obviously brought here? Wasn’t it already enough that he had seen her shameful side? Now someone she didn’t know was seeing her miserable state. He knew she didn’t like strangers. They were all monsters with their curious gazes and prying eyes. She wanted so much to just hide behind his tall frame like she always had, but right now… even he was a monster.


Scarlet whipped around, red eyes glaring at him in disbelief. “What the—!” She half-shouted, but stopped herself, grabbing him by the shoulder of his shirt and dragged him to a side, away from the threshold. “What the hell, Garry,” she lowered her voice to a hiss. “What the hell!”

His chest tightened at her angry words, a part of him wondering if something had happened to the little girl since he left her inside. When he had opened the door for Scarlet, he hadn’t dared look. He didn’t want to see that fearful expression on her face again. His cowardly heart was almost painful as he imagined the worst. His voice hoarse and stuttering, he held up his hands, “L-look, I-I-I know this is very bad…” He wanted to calm the blonde down, but she only seemed to get even more pissed off when he failed to give her an explanation. It was hard enough already to keep his mind… functional…; her piercing gaze only served to give him more unease. Someone knew now, and although he had been preparing himself ever since he ended the call, Garry still wasn’t ready. Every fiber of his body was shaking and he just wanted to freak out right now. The only thing that kept him from going into hysteria was… He didn’t know what it was; he just knew he had to stay… sane.

It was a long shot, calling Scarlet here. They had only been friends for a mere two years, and he honestly didn’t know what she would do.

“For goodness’ sake, tell me this is a bad prank!” she growled, fed up with his incoherent stammering.

“Scarl, just…” he ran a hand over his mouth, gesturing at the open door behind her. “Can you—”

“No!” the girl took a step back from him. She held a finger up when he opened his mouth, refusing to listen to another word. “My god, Garry, no no no no no no,” she paused, looking over her shoulder and then back at him. “No! You did not just call me over to clean up after your mess.”

“Please, I-I can’t— she—”

“Garry, Garry. No, I do not want to get involved.” She turned to leave.

“Wait, I—”

Don’t. Touch me,” she sibilated each word, but he refused to back down, walking around her to block her departure.

“… Look, she’s been like that the whole night, we can’t just leave her be—”

“There is no ‘we,’ and you can’t just guilt trip me into this.”

“She’s… she’s scared… and cold— you know how cold it is in there. I’ve turn the heater up, but I don’t think—”

“I. Don’t. Want. To know. Why did you even call me? Day one I made it clear—”

“Scarlet,” he angrily grabbed her by the shoulders.

They stared at each other, and both went silent – the look of surprise on her face was mixed with the slightest trace of apprehension. He let go of her with a muttered apology. His temper was getting the better of him again, and the last thing Garry needed was another girl terrified of him. He had to calm down. He turned away for a moment, biting his lip, before finding the courage to face Scarlet again. “Scarlet, please, I-I’m…” The thought of Ib made the corners of his eyes stung, and his voice trembled. “I’m not asking you to help me. Just please, please, help her.”

Red eyes narrowed at him with unreadable emotions. He was tempted to look away – they reminded him too much of the girl he had hurt. The seconds quietly ticked by as he stood tensed, as though waiting for a verdict that could end his life.

“Sorry, but no,” she threw her hands up, seemingly exhausted.

His chest tightened. To hell with it. He swallowed and sucked in a breath. “… I know about your father…”

Scarlet tilted her head; wide, unblinking eyes glared at him threatening to shred him to pieces. “How…” she said through gritted teeth.

He stood his ground, his knuckles gripping white. “Please, Scarlet.”

“Low blow, Garry,” the girl hissed. She glanced at the doorway of the bathroom and folded her arms, her head nodding. “All right,” she said in a high-pitched tone. “All right.”

His whole being relaxed as he let go of a breath he didn’t realized he was holding. It was fine that she hated him for this, as long as Ib would be taken care of. “Thank y—”

“So what did you do?”

.

.

.

“… Huh?”

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Trivia:

  • Garry knows Scarlet lives in the complex across the street but doesn’t know which apartment exactly
  • Scarlet day one made it clear they both keep their dramas to themselves. Granted, she broke it the moment she showed up a drunken mess on Garry’s doorstep
  • Garry doesn’t know so much about Scarlet’s father that it could be used as blackmail, but Scarlet doesn’t need to know that

Chapter 22: Morning

Dream? Garry couldn’t bring himself to believe last night was all a dream. The warmth, the softness, the moans… the sinful pleasure. He wiped his mouth with a sweaty palm. That kind of realism had been a dream? He remembered kissing her breathless, the feel of her smooth skin as he held her near. Her shaky fingers grabbing onto him, her hold tightening with each thrust. Pulling the blanket over her small, trembling shoulder, he had watched as she slowly gave into exhaustion.

The girl should still be here with him, but she wasn’t. It must have been a dream, then.

He swallowed, eyes searching the room. Something was amiss. Thump. His heart steadily pounded. Thump. Thump.

Did he want it to be a dream?

A snort escaped his throat. That was a dumb question. Of course he was glad it had been a dream. Thank God.

So…

What is this… disappointment?

A shrill ring of the doorbell startled him out of his trance, and the pressure inside his chest worsened. His eyes warily flickered to the open bedroom door, staring out the narrow corridor outside. A soft glow was pouring in from the living room.

He waited for another ring, but it didn’t come. The silence that returned somehow seemed more intense than it had been – almost ominous. Had he even heard anything? Outside, the garden lamps hadn’t dimmed, and leaves were still glimmering wet with dew. Dawn had yet to come, leaving the sky a cold murky blue. The idea of a visitor at this ungodly hour was silly. He must have imagined it, as he had with many other things. He shouldn’t trust himself too much these days.

Another ring resounded through the apartment, proving him wrong— or right.

He dropped back down onto the bed and buried himself under the blanket over his head, opting to disregard the uninvited guest. It was damn cold and he didn’t want to leave the bed.

Yet another ring. And another.

And another.

Well, the light outside needed to be turned off anyway. He exhaled in exasperation and kicked the blanket off, his whole torso shuddering uncontrollably as it once again came into contact with the chilly air. His breaths stuttered as he blindly groped around him, trying to locate his shirt. It might have fallen off the bed for all he knew.

Yawning, he attempted a stretch.

!

He winced when the skin along his ribs suddenly stung, his hand shooting across his chest to tend to the pain. Thump. What? He blinked, keeping his gaze strictly forward.Thump. He moved his hand, albeit slowly.

Scratches. He glanced at his other side. Swelling red scratches… scrawled all over his skin.

Thump.

In a single moment, the carnal memory became dreadfully vivid. The heat, the tightness, the screams… the raging lust. He continued to stare in disbelief at the telltale marring on his body – disbelief that he actually managed to pass last night as a dream at all. His stomach made an ugly churn and his heart twisted. His mind was empty, his breathing shallow. Not a dream. The doorbell chimed. He shakily got to his feet, eyes searching his surroundings. Something was amiss, all right. She was supposed to be sleeping next to him still. So where was she now?

Garry took unstable steps towards the doorway, frantically looking around as he did even though he knew well there was nothing to find. The biting cold all but forgotten, he darted into the living room. “Ib?” The tall floor lamp had been left on all night; the shirt that he had discarded lay wrinkled on the rug. His teeth ground together. It wasn’t a fucking dream. “Hey, where are you?”

He’d done it now. Stabbing hands through his hair, he turned left and right. He’d fucked up.

The clothes that he had stripped from her weren’t there. She couldn’t have left. Not when it was barely morning. Not in only those… Could she? No way. It was far too cold.

He crouched down and grabbed his shirt. Something fell from its layers as he lifted it from the floor, creating a small clack against the wood. The accursed hourglass was rolling near his foot. At the sight of the ornament, a sudden rush of anger flared inside him. Inexplicable, unreasonable. He was just mad. At the hourglass, at the fact that he hadn’t thrown it away, at himself, at the cold— at her absence.

Bang! He violently slapped the hourglass out of his sight, his hand ramming straight into the table’s edge, causing the tea set to rattle dangerously. Garry bit back a curse, glaring at his knuckles to check on the damage.

The fresh bruise was seeping blood, and also… there was a fading white scar.

.

Are you okay, Ib? The glass shattered, after all.”

The little girl shielded under his towering frame absently nodded, gaze fixated on the pile of ash that once was a friend. He couldn’t tell what was going on in her head, but her lethargic look disturbed him. Mary was dead. He should be glad, should feel triumph, but looking at her, nothing but guilt arose. She only burnt a picture. That was all she did. Yet looking at her, it felt like they had killed a person.

Garry gently pried the ‘murder weapon’ from her tight, trembling grip and pulled her into a comforting hug, letting her snuggle against him. He looked to the smoldering ash. Honestly, he didn’t hold too many sentiments for that painting, and with the adrenaline from wrestling with it, nearly getting killed by it, still flooding his system, he cared even less.

A soft touch on his hand. “Garry…”

“… Hm?” He glanced down to see Ib had detached herself from him and was carefully wiping blood from the back of his hand. “My hand?” It took a second for it to register in his mind. “Oh, you’re right, I cut it… I didn’t even notice… It must have just happened.” Or Mary had successfully landed a hit on him. He didn’t know, but he’d like to believe it was an honorable wound from shielding Ib. Her face changed to one of a subtle frown at his words. “… Well, it’s just minor.” He curled and uncurled his hand to demonstrate his words. “See?”

But she still offered him her handkerchief, and even tied it up for him.

Her small hands were shaking as she tried ever so hard not to hurt him.

She was just that gentle of a child.

.

.

Garry blinked out of the reminiscence. He needed to find her.

Suddenly, several loud bangs hammered on the apartment door, nearly scaring him into a shriek. He turned towards the sound, a hand over his prancing heart.

Yet several more impatient bangs. Whoever that was, they were going to get socked.

With the scare fueling his ire, Garry vehemently stormed straight to the entrance, not bothering to put on his shirt, unlocked and yanked the door open.

And he was greeted with nothing but the freezing air that splashed against his naked skin.

“Dammit,” he muttered under his breath, hastily shoving his arms into his shirt, his teeth almost clattering. The dry scratches on his ribs were burning against the fabric. Now, where was his soi-disant visitor? If this was a prank, sworn to god, he would— His eyes fell onto a piece of paper taped to the wall in front of him. And he froze.

Garland’s coming at 10 was scribbled in large, black letters.

It took him a whole second to even understand what he was looking at. His chest once again ridden with unpleasant throbs, he took cautious steps towards the note and yanked it from the sliver of tape that kept it to the wall.

Thump.

He snorted in derision. Here, a piece a paper from unknown sender was telling him something and he was supposed to believe it? The smirk soon slid from his face and he nervously rubbed his mouth, looking to both sides of the empty hallway. There was no one— not that he was expecting otherwise. He looked back to the note, turning it over to see if there was anything else. Nothing. It was true Mr. Garland hadn’t shown up all this time even though his secretary had said that he would. With what little Garry grasped about the man’s character, it wasn’t impossible that Mr. Garland would show up without notifying him first.

It wasn’t impossible.

Thump.

Questions of all kinds swirled through his mind at a dizzying speed. The credibility of this informant, the reason for informing him at all; how he should deal with his benefactor coming over knowing that—

The note was scrunched up in his grip as he headed back inside, slamming the door behind him without meaning to.

“Ib!” he called out for her and covered his mouth as soon as the name started echoing through the apartment. His voice had come out harsher than he intended. The last thing he wanted was to further frighten her. “Ib… look, I know you’re hiding somewhere. Please come out,” he said loudly, yet as gently as he could manage. “It’s okay. I promise I’m not gonna…” he bit his lower lip, unable to form the words that came up in his mind.

“… Please come out,” he tried again, but only silence answered him.

He stifled a sigh. This obviously wasn’t going to be easy. He was sure she was still here as her sneakers were still on the shoe rack. Ib was just hiding… from him… His jaw hardened. That wasn’t right. Ib did not hide from him. Not from him.

Garry tried to take a deep breath. He needed to calm down first. Panicked as he was, he would only make the situation worse. The ticking of an imaginary clock in his mind, however, made him restless. He patted himself down while looking around the room. His phone was lying there on the table – the sight of the furniture reminded him of the aching cut on his hand. The damaged skin was turning a deeper shade than before, and the underlying scar was stark against the red bruise. He placed his other hand over it and closed his eyes in another sigh.

.

Five thirty. Garry pocketed the phone, tossing the crumpled note at the table, and marched to the study in large strides. His study was the warmest place in the apartment, and he hoped he would find her inside. There were only so many places that could be relatively called a hiding spot, and leaving out the bedroom – where she had clearly fled from – and the locked closet, only the study and the bathroom were left.

“Ib?” He took care to open the door as slowly as possible despite his hurry. If she was on the other side, he wouldn’t want to scare her.

The light went on with a press of his fingers, but he didn’t see her. His study was small, with only his desk and the musty bookshelves packing the space. It was impossible to stay hidden, so clearly she wasn’t there.

He switched the light off with a soft curse and headed for the bathroom. Upon arriving in front of it, he clicked his tongue. Why hadn’t he noticed earlier? The door was closed. The fucking thing was closed. He never left the bathroom door closed.

Ka—chak.

Locked.

Garry slowly let go of the doorknob as the beating inside his chest became unbearably louder. She was on the other side… and she had the door locked. Yes, why wouldn’t she? Yes, yes; there was a lock after all. Having lived alone all this time, he forgot there was such a thing called a lock on his bathroom door. Not that it was something worthy of concerns right now. Staring at the wooden barricade in front of him, he just didn’t know what to do. His throat felt dry as he tried to come up with the appropriate words – and he feared there wasn’t any. What were the right things to say? Should he even say anything at all?

“… Ib,” he spoke in a shaky tone. “You’re in there, right? Please open the door.” He placed his arm onto the door and leant in closer. “… I’m-I’m-I’m not gonna do anything. Promise. I only want to check o-on you.”

Garry was beginning to hate this silence. It was so eerie and unsettling. A part of him was afraid she was unconscious. And that part was growing by the seconds as he impatiently waited. “God damn it, Ib…” he muttered to himself, pressing his forehead to the door.

He had to get her out of there.


In the darkness that her eyes had gotten used to, the little girl tensed up as she heard thumping footsteps hurried past her on the other side of the wall. He hadn’t figured out where she was… not yet anyway. She knew it was only a matter of time before she is found. There just wasn’t anywhere to hide.

She curled up tighter in the corner, burying her face into her arms. Her eyes were burning, threatening to spill, but her tears had long dried out. She brought a hand up and rubbed her eyes. Ma had told her she shouldn’t rub her eyes because it was bad for them, but a few more times couldn’t hurt. Her fingers, so cold that they were hurting, were a kind of relief for her swollen lids. She hated this. She felt so miserable.

The wooden walls were thin. Though boggled, her mind was still able to vaguely register his voice as he assured her it was okay; but as much as she wanted to respond— as much as she wanted to trust him, her voice wouldn’t come out, nor would her body move. That place between her legs was still sore, and she still couldn’t understand why things had turned out this way.

Ka—chak.

The sound of the doorknob turning made her stomach drop.

He was outside. Right outside that door. And he told her to open it. However…

The memory from last night haunted her. She had spent all night replaying them, wondering if she had done something wrong that he had to punish her like that, or if she was just stuck in a bad dream. They had been so happy together, she had been so happy. So… what had gone wrong? It all felt so surreal, yet, at the same time… real. His touch was still palpable on her body and the unfamiliar low hum of his voice still rang her eardrums. Don’t open it. Even if I tell you to. Don’t open it. Don’t open it.

Letting out a choked whimper, she pulled her legs closer to her chest and sank further into the corner. That closed door, it was the only way she knew to protect herself from him. She would not open it.


The metal jingled between his fingers as he exited his bedroom. He held back yet another sigh, feeling as though he was on a death march. It was probably better to wait until she felt secured enough to come out or unlock the door on her own, but he couldn’t bear to just let her be inside that… that freezer. Dressed as she was, there was no way she was fine. He hoped she had made use of the towels he left inside. Though used, at least they would be providing her with a little of the much needed warmth.

As he approached the door, he looked through the keys on the chain and singled out the one labeled bathroom. He never thought the day he finally had a use for these would be for something like this. The key inserted, he slowly turned it inside the doorknob. He tried to do it as quietly as possible, and his heart tightened when a damnable loud chakresounded, announcing that the door was no longer locked.

Suddenly, he wasn’t all too eager to enter.

Garry gripped at the front of his T-shirt, willing his heart to stop. “I-Ib,” he called, his voice shaking still, and waited for the expected silence. He was afraid of what he would find on the other side. “I’m coming in… I’m just coming in, so please don’t be alarmed.”

He grabbed the ice-cold knob and carefully twisted. The door made a cringing creak as he stepped into the darkness inside. The room was freezing. Marble tiles were numbing against his feet and the raw air made his throat hurt. And she had been in here for what could possibly have been the whole night. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling. Worry? Anger? Guilt? Fear? Nausea?

As his eyes adjusted to the lack of light, he could make out a small figure hastily scuttling away from him and into the far corner. His first instinct was to immediately run to her and see if she was all right, but he managed to stop himself. She wasn’t going anywhere. He must not fuck up any more than he already had.

“… Honey, are you all right?” Of course not. She couldn’t be; but what else could he say? “… I’m going to turn on the lights, okay?”

There was no answer. It was most likely a no anyway.

A deep breath.

Garry carefully flicked the switch.

A golden light illuminated the room, and there in the corner across from the shower, she stood looking at him warily. “Ib…” In spite of his better judgment, he found himself striding across the room to get to her. It wasn’t like any more harm could have come to her, seeing as he was the only threat around, but he was still so glad to see and know that she was fine… relatively. He hadn’t missed the way she flinched when he took the first step towards her. She looked like she wanted nothing more than to flee from the spot, her red eyes just begging him not to come near. But he did, and he had never seen her more frightened than now. The look on her face made him stop in his track.

He opened his mouth to speak, but the words died in his throat. He was at a loss of what to say, of what to do, of what to even think.

A clear of hoarse throat. A strained smile. “H-hey… are you cold, sweetie?” Another two steps and she was already in arm length. The girl tried to back further up against the corner. He knew he shouldn’t but he ignored it. Bending his tall frame, he tried to keep his hand from shaking as he offered it to her. “You must be freezing.” Silence. “Come. Let’s… get you changed… and I’ll fix you something hot afterwards.” Silence. “… C-cocoa sounds nice, don’t you think?” His smile was faltering. It didn’t look like she had any intention to take his hand, and her eyes were full of fear. God, he’d really fucked up.

He got down on his knees, right hand still extended. “… Please, Ib,” his voice was but a whisper, choked and beseeching. “Everything’s okay, I promise.”

She was so close. He just wanted to pull her into his embrace right now.

Come, Ib.

But her hands remained clenched behind her back. Chapped lips pressed into a thin line, she averted her gaze.

No.

It hurt. His chest hurt.

No…

He just wanted her to take his hand. Was that so much to ask?

His hand dropped to his side. His smile was gone now, replaced by a wry look. “I guess it’s too much to ask… eh…” Not good. His voice was breaking. “Gosh…”

Trying to hide his eyes behind his bang, he got to his feet and reached for the towel he had hung on the shower’s door handle. It wasn’t much, but it was better than her current attire. He threw in onto her, frowning as he noticed the way she seemed to shrink away as though she was going to get hit. “Please, just… at least cover yourself up,” he muttered without any strength in his voice and turned on his heel.

He couldn’t remember how he had managed to drag himself out of the bathroom, or how he had come to sit here, knees bent, next to its closed door. What should he do? What should be done? He should get her warmer clothes at least, but would she want anything from him right now? She was supposed to have taken his hand. So irritating. He couldn’t concentrate. So sickening. In his head was a mishmash of images from last night and just now. He remembered how beautiful she had been underneath him, and he remembered the pitiful mess she was now.

Garry wiped his face with his left hand. He didn’t want to use his right hand, leaving it limp next to his thigh. It felt heavy. It was a hand that she didn’t take.

She. Was supposed. To have taken. His. Hand. But she hadn’t.

She looked like she hadn’t gotten a blink of sleep. Her hair seemed to have lost its lovely luster, matte and disheveled; her skin was pasty pale and there were unsightly bags under her swollen eyes. Her eyes, the exquisite red that had always held nothing but admiration for him, now only reflected fear and terror. It was as if she was looking at a monster. In his baggy shirt, her small body only seemed that much more vulnerable as it shook. Yes, she was shaking. Visibly shaking, either from the cold or from his presence – and how he prayed it wasn’t the latter. The corners of his eyes were burning again. If only he could just gather her into his arms and give her all the warmth that he had. If only he could run his fingers through her soft fall and untangle any knots hindering its flow. Anything to ease this gnawing guilt.

She was clearly traumatized. So frangible, so innocent still.

He had hurt this girl he loved so much, and to think a sick, sick part of him had found her pain-filled moans absolutely delightful. To think he had actually felt proud he was making her ‘feel’ for the first time. He couldn’t breathe. This guilt was crushing him. Something. He had to do something. He should just go back inside, grab her and make sure she was okay. There was nothing wrong. He knew what was best, after all. In the first place, things had gotten to this point because she hadn’t listened to him.

Right.

He could keep telling himself that, or he could come to terms with the fact that he’d screwed up. Not only his life, but hers as well. Garry torpidly combed his hair back, hugging his head.

The seconds oozed by in dead silence. He kept staring out in front. This was no time to stay idle, he knew, but he couldn’t seem to give a damn. Screw his benefactor. Everything was over anyway. The man could withdraw all the benefits and kick him out for all he cared. She was the only reason he’d been forcing himself to stay here. His only concern now was taking care of her, but she didn’t even want him near.

Then again, it didn’t have to be him now, did it? Since when had he started to think so highly of himself? Surely, it was ever since he managed to comfort her whereas her parents failed to. Well, time to wake up. Let alone being the only one, he wasn’t even fit to be caring for her.

With much reluctance, Garry took out his phone and dialed.

 

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